Murder She Blogged

Season 3: Death Takes a Dive

2012-01-28T09:24:00.000-08:00

I was going to review another epi, but accidentally deleted it on my DVR. I blame the dog. But I'm not too broken up, because this one has Jerry Orbach in it as our famous returning detective, Harry McGraw!

Synopsis
Harry has gotten into boxing, supporting his fighter, "Blaster" Boyle in a match up with Shawn Schalen, the Irish Shalali! Of course he gets Jessica involved in this sticky financial venture. But Harry has gotten in over his head, and rival promoter, Wayne Talvage, pressures him into throwing a fight. It's all fun and games until Wayne Talvage is found dead.

The Suspects
Cosmo Ponzini-- Rival boxer... trainer, or whatever. Cosmo took a dive for Talvage years back, making a lot of money in the process but ruining his boxing record. Would he stoop to murder to get revenge?

Shawn Schalen-- The fighter that was going up against Harry's guy, "Blaster" in a staged match. Schalen had words with Wayne Talvage the night before he died, did his anger boil over into murder?

Dave Robinson--Ardent boxing reporter who went head to head with Talvage numerous times. It got so heated, he was forcefully removed from Talvage's gym. Did he decide to get even?

Famous Actors?
Once in love with Jerrrrry! Orbach that is. Also, a few people that were in 80's movies. Wow, have I gotten lazy. OMG ADAM WEST IS IN THIS EPISODE. The original Batman and current Mayor of Quahog on Family Guy. My brain has snapped in two.

80's Baby!
I see a preview of that "flat top" House Party hair, which is rather a triumph. Also that "crunchy" perm look we all strove for is back in force. Crispy!

The End?
Jessica is on the case to, yet again, bail out Harry. The ballistics results are in, and they aren't good. Harry's gun was the murder weapon, the evidence is irrefutable. Jessica puzzles over this as she proceeds to manage Harry's fighter, Blaster (isn't she great). She decides the fight is ON, b*tch! And prepares Blaster to get ready for the fight. To any other person this means "outsource" but of course Jessica breaks out the grey sweatsuit and helps him train. It's great.

Jessica does some digging, and discovers our reporter, Dave Robinson, also suffered under the cruel tutelage of Talvage. His father threw several fights for him and was beaten to a pulp in the process. Jessica thinks this crusade may be the motive behind Talvage's murder. But she's bothered by one key bit of evidence. That gun! She questions Harry again and he reveals that Talvage's lady, Lois Ames, paid a visit to Harry the night of the murder.

With this salacious bit of evidence, the final piece falls into place. She bails out Harry and does some ballistic theorizing, proving that Harry's gun could have been framed as the murder weapon. But only by a skilled marksman, which apparently Shawn Schalen is... because he comes out with a shotgun pointed at Jessica & co. Schalen was upset about throwing the fight, and killed Talvage to avoid having to take a dive. But he chose the wrong opponent this time around... Jess talks him down in time for the police to arrive. Easy peasy!

Season 3: The Days Dwindle Down

2012-01-16T10:50:00.000-08:00

Well HELLLLLLLO MSW land. I could explain my absence, but I won't. Here is a make-up epi to make you feel better. Always works for me.

Synopsis
Jessica is somewhere sunny (shocker), and while on a "business lunch" meets Ms. Wilson. Ms. Wilson has the misfortune of being married to Sam Wilson, who just got out of the slammer. Sam is as cranky as you'd suspect, having served time for a murder he didn't commit. Or that's the yarn he tells Jessica, who listens to the story and decides to help clear his name. I'd go into the story, but it's really quite ridiculous. Supposedly, he helped his former boss, Malcom Jarvis, stage his planned suicide as a murder. I know, right? Not the brightest bulb, our Sam. So basically this epi is some sort of sequel to the movie "Strange Bargain", replete with flashbacks to the movie a la TCM. These flashbacks constitute a good third of the episode... Let me say, MSW, I appreciate the laziness. But I digress, Jess is on the case to find out who REALLY killed Mr. Jarvis!

The Suspects
Edna Jarvis-- Most certainly gained from the untimely death of her husband to the tune of a million-dollar insurance plan, or so we are led to believe...

Sydney Jarvis-- Son of Mr. Jarvis, and always a disappointment. Did he get tired of daddy and decide to take matters to the grave?

Thelma Vante-- Jarvis' private secretary who may have been playing "bedsheet bingo" with him (not my phrase). Always underpaid, did she see her chance to turn up some dough by having him murdered?

Famous Actors
Some of your typical black n' white film types. What? You don't watch those? Try the "Thin Man" movies to ease yourself into it, tres hilarious. I'd also be remiss if I didn't mention Mr. Dragnet himself, Harry Morgan, looking fit as a fiddle here as Lieutenant Webb.

80's Baby!
Feeeeemale ties (are awful). Also, I spotted one of my old hairstyles, which makes me want to hit up the ice cream for comfort.

The End?
Jessica begins by sizing up Edna Jarvis, who is batty as the day is long. She also gets shot at while sleeping (do we need a counter for this?) with the old (new?) murder weapon. Interesting.... She goes to see the old detective in the Jarvis case, who claims to have "special information" for her. Flouting the fact she was just shot at, she meets this Lieutenant Webb, who doesn't shoot her. Instead, he tells her to check out old man Jarvis' "tootsie" and by this he means Velma, the secretary. He also tips Jess off to the fact that he had concerns about the validity of the insurance policy Malcom Jarvis had. Jess makes the treck to see Velma, who doesn't admit murder, but to blackmailing someone with a secret...

Sydney Jarvis! Velma had been blackmailing Sydney to hide the Jarvis family secret, that there was never any insurance policy. What's more, he was hiding this fact to protect someone.... his own mother, Edna Jarvis. When old man Jarvis attempted to commit suicide, his wife walked in. In her rush to intervene she accidentally killed him in the process (I guess this is why she went crazy). Attempting to hide his mother's guilt, Sydney let Sam take the blame, sending an innocent man to jail. Moral of the story? Too many Jarvises.

Season 3: Murder in Minor Key

2011-10-10T14:39:00.000-07:00

There is a protest scene in this epi of MSW, how very "Occupy Wallstreet." This protest is very similar, lots of spoiled white kids in jeans.

Synopsis

This is one of those "Jessica is exhausted" episodes, where she lets someone else do the story telling for her. This time she's sharing her thoughts on a story she is proofreading: about a Southern Californian collegiate named Michael Prentes, an aspiring young composer. Michael's jerk of a professor, Tyler Stoneham, likes to steal his music. So when ol' prof winds up dead, poor Michael is in quite a pickle.

The Suspects

Harry Kapasean-- Harry was also bilked by Professor Stoneham, losing credit on a major music dictionary that was supposed to be his big break. Old and washed up? Major murder motive. Plus, he was the last person to see the professor alive.

Christine Stoneham-- Long suffering wife of Professor Stoneham who took his double dealings in stride. Did she finally get fed up with his lies and off him for the proceeds?

Michael Prentes-- All of his music was stolen by the professor and sold for a hefty sum. He was seen loudly threatening Professor Stoneham's life, and was last seen towering over his corpse. So, this begs the question, did he make good on his threat?

Famous Actors

Shaun Cassidy of the David and Shirely Jones fame. And of course, "Marty" of Grease fame, who's real name is Dinah Manoff. Quite the pink lady, she looks very 80's tastic here.

80's Baby!

Helllllllo gigantic women's suit jackets. Also those little combs you can put in your crazy 80's perm to mix it up a bit, and I'd be remiss if I didn't note the unfortunate "one stud, one dangle" earring fad. Ga.

The End?

Detective Shaun Cassidy (his made up name is ridiculous) decides to clear his old friend Michael in the murder of Professor Stoneham. His first line of attack is Harry Kapasean, noting that Kapasean would become the music professor now that Stoneham is dead. Kapasean smirks, and offers his condolences to a locked up Michael Pretese.

Shaun digs deeper into the professor's personal life, uncovering a treasure trove of lies and double dealings. He finds time to interview Christine Stoneham, who claims she heard from her husband just before Kapasean showed up to drop off a manuscript. Apparently, she called his office right before he met his maker.

Ok, I can see why they didn't bring little Shaun Cassidy back for future episodes, GOD is he bad. The pseudo southern accent is bad, his Colombo routine is bad. I never thought I'd be yearning for Grady's sleuthing. Shaun is confident of Michael's innocence, so he brings all the suspects to the scene of the crime to test one thing, Christine's supposed phone call the night of the murder. It's not terribly interesting, but it's impossible that the call was made, Christine crumples under pressure and confesses. And I'm crumpling over all this bad acting, give me JB back, dammit.

Season 3: The Corpse Flew First Class

2011-08-03T09:53:00.000-07:00

This entire epi takes place on the glamorous scenery of an "aeroplane". Let's just say it's a bit different than what I experienced on my Southwest flight this past weekend, namely pajama-clad travelers and their oversized pillows.

Synopsis

I mean honestly, you HAVE to take your pillow on the plane? You absolutely cannot leave home without it? I guess I shouldn't judge, I feel the same way about my ear plugs. So Jessica is off to jolly ol' England to research her next novel. Along the way she runs into celebrity Sunny Grier, who is dripping in jewels. J.B. drowns her dry sherry before the flight (I had a weak bloody mary in a plastic cup). But all is not pomp and circumstance on this "aeroplane", Sunny's boytoy drops dead mid-way through the flight. And the expensive necklace he was carrying? Gone.

The Suspects

Sunny Grier- Despite appearances, Sunny may have fallen on hard times. Did she steal her own necklace in order to claim a hefty insurance payout?

Aero Postman- Supposedly of Scotland Yard, Aero takes on the task of investigating the murder. Pretty convenient he was on the flight, no?

Kay Davis- Flight attendant without service on her mind (imagine that). She was so nervous on the fight, she kept screwing up orders, arousing suspicion. Further, she changed her plans right before the flight to get on the plane. Did she know who would be on board?

80's Baby!

Nothing beyond your big ol' glittery belt.

Famous Actors

Sunny is a "famous" 80's actress and I leave it to Kitten to identify her. She's better at that sort of thing.

The End?

Jessica noticed a few odd things before Sunny's beau bit the big one. For one, as her bodyguard he was a terrible flyer. A funny trait to have for such a macho occupation. She also assumes that the necklace was so famous, it couldn't be sold as-is. It would most likely be broken down into stones and sold separately. Up to the task, she takes a look at the body. Once again, it's poison! And if we didn't have a million counters I'd put one up for this.

Jess also finds the flight reservations, uncovering that Sunny didn't purchase her ticket until the day before the flight. She surmises that only those that purchased tickets after that time would be suspect. And what do you know, it appears in flight attendant Kay's case, as she switched her plans right before the flight. Further complicating matters, the necklace found is a fake, fraud! So where is the real necklace? And who killed Sunny's bodyguard?

When the flight lands, the real Scotland Yard meets the plane... to arrest Aero. Aero had the necklace pick pocketed by his accomplice, hiding a fake as a decoy. They knew the necklace would never make it through Customs, so they planned to take it as "evidence" which never would be returned to the proper owner. But who killed the boytoy? That would be Sunny. She was pissed he was sleeping around, so she easily slipped him poison on the plane. A murderer arrested, a necklace found. All in a 6 hour flight!

Season 3: Deadline for Murder

2011-07-04T10:44:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of Juuuuuuly everyone! Tuck in to some watermelon and grab a beer, it's MSW time.

Synopsis

After a salacious tabloid interview runs about Jessica, the reporter, Hascal Drake, suffers a heart attack. Small wonder, his boss rewrote the story to make Jessica seem trampish (wondering how this is possible....). Turns out, Hascal is an old friend of Jessica's. So true to form, she turns up at a lavish party that very evening to confront his evil boss, Lamar Bennett. Before she can dig her nails into him, he drops dead.

The Suspects?

I must be going to the wrong parties, nothing like this ever happens to me, to my chagrin.

Kay Garrett- Worked for Bennett and complained vociferously about how he mistreated his staff. Could she have taken matters into her own hands?

Hascal Drake-- Was furious at Bennett for messing with his story, and was so angry he suffered a heart attack. Eye for an eye?

Billy Simms- Longtime "friend" of Bennett's who held a serious jealousy grudge against him. Which is weird, because I only see this in female friendships.

80's Baby!

Thank God I wasn't a working woman in the 80's. The shame.

Famous Actors

Nope. Just killin time until the Magnum P.I. epi, I need some Tom Selleck STAT!

The End?

Due to Jessica's quick assertions that Bennett was murdered, Lieutenant Cupcake tries to question her, implying that she "stick around" until all the evidence comes in. Let's just say that Jess makes quick work of her. Jessica surmises that Bennett died of a brain hemorrhage, brought about by a lethal combo of a particular drug and alcohol. This is, in fact, exactly what the autopsy reveals.

Before Lieutenant Cupcake can get those pink, acrylic fingernails on Hascal Drake, Jessica assists him in some good ol' fashioned journalism. And BOY does she dig up some dirt. Apparently, Bennett fathered a daughter he refused to acknowledge (or support) some years back. She puts two and two together and surmises that the illegitimate child is, in fact, Kay Garrett. Quite a motive, wouldn't you say?

But Kay never knew who her father was, only one person did. As his oldest friend, Billy Simms knew that Kay was Bennett's child. Billy also wrote the article about Bennett's death, which indicated the cause of death as a cerebral hemorrhage. A fact that the cops kept from the press intentionally. After Jessica is caught snooping (we need a counter for this), Bill reveals that Bennett asked him to fire Kay and discredit her. This was the final straw for Bill, who adored Kay. He slipped Bennett the deadly drug before he left for the party. Let this be a lesson to you, no pills from enemies before your July 4th cookout.

Season 3: Unfinished Business

2011-06-25T12:47:00.000-07:00

"Snapped" marathons make it hard for me to sleep at night, so its time for some MSW! I promise, you'll sleep like a baby.

Synopsis

Retired cop Bernard (Barney) Kayle is determined to clear one last nagging case, that of the drowning of Loyd Dickson, of Cabot Cove fame. Unfortunately for Cabot Cove residents, that means they'll be put to the third degree as suspects, including our town doctor, Seth. Before he can get started on an old case, Gary Roberts, a local thug, turns up dead in the very room Barney was supposed to be staying in. And Seth is missing... oops.

The Suspects?

I'm NOT putting Seth down as a suspect, as annoying as he sometimes is. So here's what things look like:

Cynthia Tate- Former secretary of a beleaguered hospital that Loyd Dickson was investigating before his suspicious death. She was staying at the same motel as Barney, and had motive and opportunity to remove him once and for all!

Jake Sanford- Owns a local motel, and EVERYONE is really rude and mean to him. I wish I was there to put them all in their places. I can outbitch anyone. Anyways, as the owner of the motel he knew which room Barney was staying in, and he was a suspect in the Loyd murder. Did he murder Gary by mistake?

Dr. Terry Mahew - Head of the hospital Loyd was investigating before he bit the bullet. He was, you guessed it, also staying at the motel on the night of the murder. What's more, his shotgun was used to murder Gary. Open and shut?

80's Baby!

I so remember those African-style beaded necklaces, mostly because they were essential dress-up wear when we raided my mother's closet. We didn't have pierced ears at that point, so I couldn't wear the GIGANTIC plate-sized earring's sported by Miss Tate.

Famous Actors

Hayley Mills, of "Parent Trap" fame, replete with her lil English accent.

The End!

Seth got "lost" in the woods the night Gary was killed, but unfortunately no one can verify his little alibi. The local sheriff (who, for some reason isn't Amos...) demands everyone stick around until forensics shows up. Since this is the backwoods, that will take a few days. Jessica points out that this is, in fact, illegal, but he just accuses her of being from the "big city". Thank god for big cities.

The shotgun used to kill Gary is found in the woods, making things look verrrry bad for Dr. Terry Mahew. Mahew proclaims his innocence, claiming the gun was stolen from his room. Jess then puts the screws to Gary's widow, Maggie. She reveals that Gary was a former inmate, and was cooking up a big plan to make some money. Through some Fletcher-style staging, Jessica proves the murderer knew he/she was killing Gary on purpose, and not by a case of mistaken identity. After this dramatic scene, Barney falls ill from poisoning. Even with this distraction, Jess has time to interview Cynthia Tate, who has a pretty crappy alibi for the night Gary was murdered.

Jess points out that everyone's alibi sucks (using different words), but she knows that no one could have planted poison in Barney's drink other than Barney himself. What's more, she reveals that Gary's former cell mate implicated Barney in Loyd's murder. Apparently, Barney had Loyd killed to cover up some shady dealings of his own. Gary came to blackmail him, and Barney pretended to drag up the Loyd case so the former suspects would be suspected of the crime. What he didn't factor in, was Jessica Fletcher!

Season 3: Death Stalks the Big Top

2011-05-30T09:57:00.000-07:00

I'm going to lump parts 1 & 2 of "Death Stalks the Big Top" together into one, happy, dysfunctional review. Just like a circus! Oh, and FYI Netflix, you have epis 1 and 2 switched on your "instant steam". Jessica would not approve.

Synopsis

Ok, so the short and nasty of this story is Jessica's deceased hubby, Frank, had a brother. This brother supposedly died in a "boating accident". Well it was NO boating accident, because she gets a tip that he's working at a circus under the name of Carl. So the circus is going under, accidents are happening left and right, and the resident circus bully, Hank Sutter, turns up dead. What does this story need? Why, J.B. Fletcher, of course!

The Suspects?

Neil Fletcher-- Jessica's brother in law has faked his own death and traveled with the circus under an assumed name. It's not looking good.

Preston Bartholomew-- Did the writers think up these names after an all night Zima n' jolly rancher bender? Preston is a circus hand with an South African accent. Sigh.

Brad Noname-- The local elephant wrangler was on-duty when Hank was found. Worse, Hank's injuries are consistent with trampling, something Brad could have easily set up. Brad was trying to escape the long arm of the law, did Hank find out and try and blackmail him?

Famous Actors

We have quite the smorgasbord. Courtney Cox, looking strangely as she appears today. Florence Henderson, looking, hmm, that's odd, strangely as she does today. Ha. Imagine that. We also have a dark horse, Gregg Henry, beloved in that 1999 classic, Payback. I'm pleased to say that his face does register human emotion.

80's Baby!

Circus mullets!!!!

The End?

In MSW world, suspicion always falls on the person closest to Jessica. So Jessica's brother-in-law Neil confesses to Hanks' murder and is promptly locked up. Apparently, Hank had been making passes at the tight-rope-walking cutie (Katie), who's 11 year old son tried to defend his mother unsuccessfully with a baseball bat. As Hank was found beaten to death with that bat, Neil had to confess in order to defend his little buddy.

Stating the obvious, Jessica knows an 11 year old boy is hardly capable of inflicting enough damage to murder a strapping 30 year old with a bat. She convinces Neil of this, who promptly recants his confession. Mayor McCoffeemug decides it's merely a story, refusing to let him loose. But when another murder is committed, it's obvious another suspect is the culprit. That culprit sets a fire in Jessica's hotel room after rendering her unconscious! She escapes in classic Fletcher style, handbag in hand.

Brad can't handle the pressure, and admits to merely punching Hank, but claimes he left him alive. Jessica believes him, because she knows the murderer is not Brad, but Preston Bartholomew! Preston was being paid to sabotage the circus so the owners could sell it off. When he got greedy, he killed his associate, Hank, along with the owner, Kingman. Jessica stands her ground as Preston attempts to open the TIGER CAGE on her. We don't have a counter for that, and no, I'm not making one.

Season 3: Night of the Headless Horseman

2011-05-08T09:12:00.000-07:00

I spotted a shot of Greg Brady in the preview for this epi. This was exciting enough to distract me from Fuse's 100 sexist hip hop videos. A rare feat, I tell ya. Bigggg pimpin speeeendin Gs...

Synopsis

Remember that Sleepy Hollow cartoon Disney used to play around Halloween? We have the live action of that pumpkin throwing headless horseman scenario in the start of this epi and it's nowhere NEAR as scary. The purpose for the hijinks's seems to be conflict between rival suitors for the town sweetie, Sarah DuPont. Jessica is in town to see Dorian, one of Sarah's suitors. Picture the live flesh version of Ichabod Crane. Nate Finnley (aka G Brady) is the other. When Nate is found with his head lopped off, the fun and games truly begin.

The Suspects?

Dr.Kent Walker-- Town dentist who admonishes people for drinking coke and insists on being called "doctor." We call these types of people "assholes". And they are natural murder suspects.

Dorian Beechman-- That's right, poor Dorian is suspect numero uno due to his shaky alibi and rivalry with Nate.

Mr. DuPont-- Lied about his whereabouts the night of the murder, and what's further, recently unearthed an embezzlement scheme that involved Nate Finnley. Did his anger at his losses get the best of him?

Famous Actors

I really cannot account for why Greg Brady is so strangely attractive in this epi... So let us say no more.

80's Baby!

Nothing beyond your serious perm.

The End?

Dorian wants to impress Sarah so badly that he tells everyone Jessica is his mother. So she has to spin a tangled web of lies to impress the town folk. The simple, salt of the earth kind. After the murder, the local Donut Patrol promptly locks up Dorian. Jessica comes clean with her true identity, which is all the better because Mr. DuPont has already found out and they have a fiery exchange. Mr. DuPont insists he had nothing to do with Nate's death, and claims he discovered an embezzlement scheme involving Nate and his boss. DuPont was tipped off to the embezzlement by a poorly written letter.

Meanwhile, Dorian is released from the pen due to lack of evidence, and promptly begins drinking. After cracking his tooth on an olive (yes, an olive), they head over to the local dentist, Dr. Kent Walker. Kent has nothing to contribute to Jessica's inquiries, but he does have a bizarre theory for why Nate's boots were found on the opposite feet. Jessica dismisses his amateurish detections, moving along to another line of inquiry. She focuses on Nate's colleagues, one who has a sad story about a missing daughter....

Dr. Kent Walker was engaged to this daughter, who met a mysteriously tragic end. She met that end after she entered into an affair with Nate Finnley! Kent harbored serious resentment at Nate, and waited until his opportunity to strike... And when he found that moment, he cut off his head. Yikes, serious stuff, MSW. Jess catches the next train out, that's our girl!

Season 3: One White Rose for Death

2011-04-10T12:07:00.000-07:00

Wow, Season 2 took FOREVER to end. It's all because I work too hard. Just give me a furlough and I'll have Season 3 done in a jiffy. Just KIDDING! I kid.

Synopsis
Jess is in DC this week, flying in a little white suit. It's truly a shock to see people not in sweat pants during this airport scene. However did they do it? Jess is rubbing elbows with the international set, as is her wont. Some East German musicians will be attending a big event, and are eager to make Jessica's acquaintance. Before their key performance, the whole party is abducted by Jessica's old friend in the British Secret Service, Michael McKelty. While ensconced in the false safety of the embassy, another special agent is murdered. Yes. It's one of THOSE epis.

The Suspects?
Mr Wickham- British special agent that spoke a lot of his time in Africa. Pretty talkative for someone under deep cover...

Franz Mueller- East German defector who is willing to betray his country at any cost. Does that include offing a secret agent who may expose his defection?

Michael McKelty- Sure, he's an old friend, but that's the oldest trick in the MSW playbook. Michael has another shady cover for this assignment, and forcibly removes Jess to the embassy under gunpoint. With friends like these...

Famous Actors
That would be a NO. But I enjoyed the suspense.

80's Baby!
Are awful German accents on TV shows an 80's thing? No? Ah well.

The End?
Ok prepare yourself for some international intrigue... Jess finds a white rose grasped in the hands of the deceased. She thinks it has something to do with a special operation that several countries were involved in. Of course, everyone else thinks he just passed out dead with a flower in his hand. She also picks up on the fact that he was poisoned, cyanide to be precise, due to the half moon on the nail beds. I wonder if this detection technique has ever, in history, happened in real life.

Jess uncovers that one of the East German musicians, Franz Mueller, wanted to defect. After a lot of hysterics by his annoying sister, Jess rules him out as a suspect. Instead, she focuses on events which took place in Africa a few years ago. Apparently, a civil rights leader was killed in South Africa by an assassin. She theorizes that the same assassin is responsible for the death of Dr. Lynch. Still with me? Yeah, I thought so.

Jessica confronts Andrew Whickam, who casually pulls out his pipe. Michael is too quick for him, because as you guessed it, the pipe is a secret agent killing device. Or, in other words, a knife. Mr. Whickam is the assassin from Africa all those years ago. After he was recognized by a fellow agent, he killed him to avoid exposure. I, of course, knew it from the start. Pipes are always suspicious.

Season 2: If the Frame Fits

2011-03-13T12:45:00.000-07:00

Is it just me, or does Season 2 of MSW feel endless. Like a baseball game.

Synopsis

Lloyd Marcus, an old friend of Jessica's, invites our gal to stay and discuss his new manuscript. Unfortunately, they don't get far into the discussion before one of his priceless paintings is lifted. After that downer, they go off to enjoy a night out, only to return home to find Lloyd's daughter, Julia, murdered.

The Suspects?

Mr. Forbes- Butlers are ALWAYS a suspect. Esp ones that get paid minimum wage to answer doors and draw baths.

Mayor Frank Tilly- Mayors are ALWAYS a suspect. But never do hard jail time, that's what staff is for. Frank is also in the insurance business, and had sold a large policy to Julia's family, paintings included, before the murder. Hmmm.

Donald Granger- As Julia's husband, he had motive. Not only was the marriage tumultuous, his button was found at the scene of the crime. Quite damning.

Famous Actors

Nope, better luck next time.

80's Baby!

There are some gigantic earrings on display here. And some really unfortunate short-and-spiked-on-the-top-and-I-wear-coral-lipstick hairdo's. I'd also be remiss if I didn't relay this little quote, "This is the 80's Ms. Fletcher. Promiscuity is not exactly front page news." (!)

The End!

Due to the damning evidence at the scene, Donald is arrested for murder. But, don't let this shock you, Jessica is unconvinced. Donald's button seems far too convenient. Officer Whosawhat doesn't want to hear it, he locks up Donald and wipes his hands of the matter. This isn't good enough for Jessica, and soon she's hot on the trail. After an efficient gossip at the local country club, she finds out that Donald was previously involved with Julia's sister, Sabrina.

Jessica thinks all this family tumult resulted in a father who really hates his son in law. She confronts Lloyd with the all-too convenient evidence of the button, and of course he falls to pieces. Donald is released, poor Lloyd is accused of planting evidence. Rallying in her usual style, Jessica turns her attention to the Butler, Mr. Forbes. Apparently, his alibi isn't up to snuff. But he does reveal that all was not well in financial land for Donald's family.

After a whole lot of "the clock was broken" and "how did you know what time it was?", Jessica confronts Donald. He would stand to collect after his wife's death, a fact that was not lost on Jessica. After she throws some more evidence in his face, he hangs his head and admits defeat. Now it's Jessica's time to wash her hands.

Season 2: Christopher Bundy

2011-02-13T12:27:00.000-08:00

I usually refuse to review epis featuring that ne'er-do-well Grady, but the audio wasn't working on "Trail by Jury." So here we are. Thanks Netflix.

Synposis

Christopher Bundy has acquired publishing rights to some of Jessica's stories. Bundy publications offers your run of the mill men's magazine, replete with scantily clad women. Jessica isn't exactly thrilled at the prospect of her stories appearing in such a rag. Grady, being an excellent judge of character, works for Mr. Bundy. After Jess appeals to Mr. Bundy, he invites her to stay the weekend. Then he dies.

The Suspects

Vanessa Bundy- Niece of Mr. Bundy who seems a tad fearful of dear old Uncle. Seems she had motive, since some of his fortune will go to her.

Bert Yardly- Mr. Bundy's executive assistant, who excels in breaking legs and not taking minutes. Did he get antsy for a raise and off his boss?

Chester Harrison- Former business partner who recently lost his publishing house to Mr. Bundy. Interrupts dinner by threatening Bundy's life. Ding-ding! Suspect!

Famous Actors

Robert Stack! Primarily known as the "Unsolved Mysteries" host, but found fame in TV and film throughout his illustrious career. Heart him.

80's Baby!

I love that curly, helmet-head look on a man. I also noticed some real breasts on a woman during a swimsuit scene. Yep, those will be extinct soon.

The End?

Mr. Bundy isn't dead 20 minutes before his relatives ask for the company's books. Seems they are a bit anxious to get the financial situation sorted. Officer Dumbass overlooks this, instead questioning Chester Harrison, who has an alibi. His car broke down a few hours away, there was no way he could have reached the house in time to shoot Bundy.

Jessica takes advantage of security cameras placed all over the property, finding some secret passageways the murderer might have used. She also does some snooping, uncovering Bundy's butler as an "Undercover IRS Agent." Apparently, Bundy's books were less than clean. Unfortunately, this doesn't mean Grady goes to jail, the "Undercover IRS Agent" was simply tying up loose ends on Bundy. Lame.

Jessica then moves on to the alibi's, confirming Chester's and Bert's, which leaves one left. Jessica neatly traps Vanessa in a lie, something about a recorded alibi. Trust me, as lies go it's not important. She does one of her dramatic confessions with Officer Dumbass present. Vanessa spills the beans, something about how mean Bundy was to her dad. Whaaa!

Season 2: Powder Keg

2011-01-30T12:06:00.000-08:00

We visit a small, southern town this week. But don't get excited, I like making fun of the French WAY more than making fun of the South. Too bad MSW didn't agree. This. Epi. Is. Ridiculous.

Synopsis

After attending a writer's seminar, Jess hitches a ride to her friend Ames Caulfield's southern estate. Now the bad news, the car breaks down in what appears to be a faithful recreation of the town in "Deliverance." This is why I have AAA. In the first 10 minutes we have an old-timey bar fight (replete with knives and guns), blatant racism, and really bad southern accents. The morning after, Ed Bonner, the instigator of the fight, is found dead.

Suspects

Matt Burns- Got a pitcher of beer and his guitar dumped on top of him at the bar fight. I'm told men find these things challenging to their machismo.

Frank Kelso- Bar-owner who frequently experienced Ed Bonner's drunk, disorderly ass. Apparently, Ed also liked making fun of the fact that Frank's wife was sleeping around. All told, plenty of motive.

Linda Bonner- Seems unphased at the passing of her brother, who very publicly beat up her sweetheart. I'm told women don't like it when their boyfriends are shamed in public.

Famous Actors

No one I particularly want to google right now.

80's Baby!

I think MSW is confusing the South with "Grease 2." Lots of jackets and slicked back hair. They did, however, get the Texas tuxedo right.

The End?

The Sheriff promptly arrests Matt Burns with no evidence I was made aware of. His sweetheart, Linda Bonner, is devastated at Matt's arrest, and yet strangely unmoved by her brother's death. Jessica also makes the acquaintance of Daddy, or Mark Bonner, our quintessential southern idiot. Mark tells us that Ed walked away from the family farm penniless, turning up later in a flashy car. Mark thinks he was selling drugs. Since we are in the South, I'm assuming it was meth but we never find out.

After a mob forms outside the prison (I'm serious), they demand Mark Burns. It's neck stretching time! The only problem is, Jessica thinks he's innocent. Right before things get ugly, Mark Bonner turns up and gives a nice little speech about letting the courts decide silly things, like "justice" by a "jury of our peers." Jess questions Ed's comrades about the night of his murder. The last place Ed Bonner went was the "bank."

The bank of Frank Kelso! Ed had been blackmailing Frank after he caught him offing his wife. Apparently, Frank killed her after he figured out she was sleeping around. Ed saw the opportunity to live large, and had been blackmailing him ever since. Kelso decided the buck had to stop somewhere, and killed him. Jessica and the Sherrif neatly collect their confession, and Jess heads to Yankee climes.

Season 2: Murder Digs Deep

2011-01-17T11:54:00.000-08:00

Realization. Reading, "The Count of Monte Cristo" is not as much fun as watching Guy Pierce and Jim Caviezel sword fight in the movie. Le sigh. Perhaps the "Murder She Wrote" books are more satisfying. Onward!

Synopsis

We are in New Mexico this week, where Jess is researching her new adventure novel on an archaeological dig. I love to see archaeology glamorized. So divorced from the reality of shifting through endless buckets of dirt followed by evenings of heavy drinking. When a shady Native-American-wannabe kicks the bucket under suspicious circumstances, Jess is on the case.

The Suspects?

Cynthia Armstrong- Bored housewife of Dr. Armstrong who would have rather stayed in Phoenix. Too bad for us, she didn't.

Gideon Armstrong- Proprietor of the dig who is finding some really nice artifacts in unusual places. Gideon was linked to some shady business dealings in the past. Was the death of Raymond Twofeather linked in some way?

Dr. Benton- Treasure-hunter and "documentary" filmmaker. He even suggests Jess might ghostwrite his memoirs for him. Benton has no alibi for the time of Raymond's death, but Gideon claims he was with him, who is lying?

80's Baby!

Not so much bad 80's wear as it is really bad Southwestern wear. Unfortunately, people still wear this type of thing. I wonder if the Navajo had this in mind. Wait! I don't wonder. I know, they didn't.

Famous Actors

Connie Stevens star of the TV show "Maverick," amoung other things. Apparently, she started as a singer a witnessed a murder in Brooklyn before moving to LA. Lifetime movie stuff, if I do say so myself.

The End!

Our good friend Seth is a volunteer on the dig, and shows Jess around to meet our suspects. She starts by reenacting the death, determining that the angle Raymond fell is complete poppycock. Seth takes a look at the body and further complicates things, Raymond didn't die by falling. He was drowned.

Establishing that little mystery, Jess goes off to interrogate Dr. Benton. Benton is jumpy, and let's on that the Armstrongs had dealings with Raymond in the past. She also ferrets out that Barnes never called the police about Raymond's death, AND that Raymond Twofeather was no more Native American that my Irish grandma. He was play-acting, all the while sneaking valuable artifacts from museums. How's that for taking a dump on our nation's heritage? Those stolen artifacts start turning up in the dig, and even our amateur Jess knows a marked artifact couldn't possibly have been a recent discovery.

Rounding up our suspects, Jess surmises that Cynthia and Raymond were planting the artifacts to drive up the cost of the land, which Cynthia owned. When he got too greedy, Cynthia drowned him in a convenient underground cavern. Using her feminine wiles, she got an accomplice to drag the body up on the cliffs to "fake" his death. Cynthia claims her marriage was just too awful to bear, she had to get out of it. Jess pats Mr. Armstrong on the hand, and murmurs soothing condolences before departing for Cabot Cove. It's just far too hot to say anything else.

Season 2: If a Body Meets a Body

2010-12-19T12:41:00.000-08:00

Ok, but WHY no holiday-themed episodes? This show ran for like 20 seasons. It's incredibly lame I'm not allowed a juicy Christmas-themed murder.

Synopsis

The town financial planner, Henry Vernon, is dead. Sort of. A funeral is held, and shortly after the town realizes their balances sheets are also dead on arrival. Yes, he Madoff'ed them. While his mistress throws a dramatic scene at the funeral, the casket is knocked over and, et voila, we have John Doe, and NOT Henry Vernon. But he ends up dead anyways, so who done it?

The Suspects

Connie Vernon-- Claims her husband "woke up dead" while on vacation. Beyond the plausible issues with that statement, Connie was in line to receive some serious dough from Henry's death. Definitely a suspect.

Phillis Walters-- Throws a big hissy fit at the funeral, accusing Connie Vernon of killing her husband! It doesn't take too long to put two and two together. Phillis Walters was hot and heavy with Henry. Was she looking to pin ye old blame on his wife?

Ned Olsten-- Business partner of Henry Vernon's. Did Henry threaten to tell all about the embezzlement scheme and get offed in return?

80's Baby!

The perms are still serious in this epi, but you can see the late 80's early 90's progression from poodle-tight to soft waves. That's all the perm analysis I have for one Sunday. Other than that there is a pause-worthy Victorian blouse that Connie sports. "Would you like a cup of teaaaaa?"

Famous Actors

My laziness says NO, but thanks for playing.

The End?

Sheriff Tupperware is smarting that "everyone in town" thinks Jessica Fletcher solves all his cases. NO, really? So he tries to tell her to butt out. Failing in that as in everything else, Jessica launches an investigation on her own. She interviews the resident slut, Phillis Walters, and finds out that Connie and Henry were fighting lots before he kicked the bucket.

Ugh, there is such a cranky-pants asshole boyfriend in this episode. Thank goodness men are so emasculated these days, whew! Jess and Amos enjoy a leisurely dinner at Connie's house. The next day, Henry turns up really dead at Phillis' apartment. Apparently, he was just playing fakester to get away from that whole "embezzlement" thing. Connie was in on the faked death thing, but claims she had nothing to do with his embezzling ways.

After the town enjoys a nice uproar once Henry's embezzlement comes to light, Jess hones in on Phillis. After a 5 second interrogation, she determines that Phillis received a call purportedly from Henry for a late night assignation. Phillis claims he never showed, and Jess accepts this with a sniff. She theorizes Phillis was deliberately led astray, by none other than Connie Vernon!

Connie was in on the embezzlement from the start, and when Henry got nervous, she silenced him for good. "But I never got rid of the murder weapon" Connie purrs, pulling the most gigantic lead pipe from Jessica's flower beds. Good thing Sheriff Tupperware was lying in wait. He should stick to stakeouts.

Season 2: Joshua Peabody Died Here... Possibly

2010-12-05T14:02:00.000-08:00

Why are there no Christmas-themed MSW epis? I feel strangely unfulfilled.

Synopsis

Cabot Cove is ALL up n' arms over a new development. Protests are in full swing, complete with cardboard placards and "we won't go" rhymes. But all that is put aside when a body is discovered. A really dead one. Sheriff Tupperware declares the deceased as Joshua Peabody, founder of Cabot Cove. While they are busy arguing over whether or not it's the famed Joshua Peabody, the developer of the subdivision, Henderson Wheatly, is found dead.

Suspects

Del Scott- Local news reporter who has had run-ins with Henderson in the past. She was digging up a big story on his shoddy construction. Did she up the ante with a juicy murder?

Harry Kawasaki- Lead contractor of Wheatly's little project. Had a fiery temper, and - let's face it - he IS a contractor. Those are fast approaching lawyers as the employment detestment du jour. PLUS he had an awful hand injury the day after Henderson's death, was he injured in a struggle to the death?

David Marsh- Local enviro-activist, currently moonlighting as the local antiques dealer. That's quite a combo, so yeah, that makes him a suspect.

80's Baby!

Sweater coat? Check. Sweater coat with Cosby design and shoulder pads? Check, check.

Famous Actors

OMG Chuck Conners, the star of the "Rifleman" !!!! . Here we see him as special agent Fred Keller. If you have never seen him in the Rifleman, get yourself some DVD copies, stat. Or just watch that opening sequence on YouTube again and again. Oh, this epi also features Kristie Alley.

The End?

I gasped when "Special Agent Fred Keller" arrived on the scene to accuse David Marsh of bombing a post office back in the 60's. Not the bombing part, the dashing good looks of Chuck Conners. Despite his shady past, and the fact that David was spotted near the murder scene, AND the fact that Sheriff Tupperware recieced an anonymous tip, Jess thinks he is innocent. It's female intuition, what can one say?

Ok, minor annoyance, they can't keep David's name straight. Sometime they call him David, sometimes Daniel, sometimes Dale. This is a significant irritant on a Sunday evening. Please MSW, let's keep it straight. Jess continues to fuss over Kawalski's injured hand, bringing him balm and picking apart his story of getting injured. Apparently, Mr. Wheatly did not have a stellar safety record, AND he was indirectly responsible for the death of several employees due to poor working conditions. Several of them were friends of Kawakski's. THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER.

Jess pretends to give an interview with Del Scott about Joshua Peabody, and neatly turns the table on Miss Scott. Apparently, Del was related to a workman who met his end at the hands of Mr. Wheatly's poor working conditions. With the cameras rolling, Jess explains how the murder happened. Del lured Mr. Wheatly to construction site, shot him, and dumped his body in the location Joshua Peabody was found. "It's all a lie!" She cries, but she's no match for Jess, who out logics her on a slip she made about discovering the body. Oh, and that old skeleton? It's not really Joshua Peabody. And no, I'm not going into it.

Season 2: Sticks and Stones

2010-11-28T11:07:00.000-08:00

Ok, ok. I have an excuse for the lack of posts. NANOWRIMO. There, happy? I am, my sweet novel kicks some serious ass. Not as much as Jessica does on MSW though, natch.

Synopsis

Anyone fond of a nice hot bath has a serious fear of the bathtub murder. Or maybe just I do. But one fine day in Cabot Cove, a seemingly accidental electrical bath death has murder written all over it. The victim is Beverly Gareth, heiress to a swath of land developers have been eyeing. No one thinks much of it, but after a series of poison pen letters make their way around Cabot Cove, Jess sniffs out a conspiracy.

Suspects

Michael Digby-- Travel writer on assignment in Cabot Cove. Suspiciously appears on Jess's doorstep claiming an earlier acquaintance. Is this merely a handy cover up for murderer?

Sheriff Harry-- Sheriff Tupper is all set to retire, leaving Sheriff Harry to assume the Cabot Cove "my cat is stuck in the tree" throne. Harry was formerly a real estate agent, was he in cahoots with Beverly to sell her land? After he was in cahoots did he make a deal? After the deal did he get greedy and kill her? Perhaps.

Larry Burns-- Supposedly "fixed" Beverly's TV chord just a week earlier. Interesting then, on the day of the murder the chord was so frayed that it lit ol' Bev up like a Christmas tree.

80's Baby!

Nothing beyond your serious perm.

Famous Actors

John Astin, formerly Jess's real estate agent and now playing Sheriff Harry. Astin has appeared in a variety of mind-bottling MSWs characters, but to me, he's just Gomez.

The End?

As the poison pen letters make their way around town, neighbor turns against neighbor. Sugar is not borrowed, newspapers are not brought up to door steps! Jess never gets one, so she investigates how to kill someone with a frayed cord. You know, some people take naps on Sunday.... She does get around to investigating the letters. But before she gets to interrogate Elvira, the secretary of Beverly's father, she finds her dead, hung in the front yard. Elvira left a "I wrote all the letters" suicide note, written on a typewriter. But there's a problem, people with arthritis have a hard time, you know, using their hands and such. Would make tying a hangman's knot pretty difficult, non?

Jess sniffs out that Beverly trusted Elvira, and might have told her something to make her a liability. What's more, she theorizes Elvira sent the original poisoned pen letter that warns of Beverly's untimely death. The killer knew about it, and flooded the town with fake letters in order to divert attention. After she pieces it together, Jess waits at the crime scene for the killer to show up.

Well, HELLO Sheriff Harry. "I saw the light on in the basement," Harry lies. Harry conspired with Beverly to sell her land to investors, committing arson in the process. Beverly tried to blackmail him, telling Elvira about the scam. Harry had to kill them both to cover up his crime. "I've always liked you Jessica" he states calmly, aiming his gun at her. Too bad! Jess always has back up in these situations. Harry goes to the slammer and Cabot Cove is stuck with Sheriff Tupper. Game over.

Season 2: Jessica Behind Bars

2010-10-26T06:27:00.000-07:00

As they say on "Castle", there are only two types of people who sit around thinking about how to kill people. Psychopaths and mystery writers. With a title like "Jessica Behind Bars", don't you immediately think: "Finally. FINALLY somebody put two and two together and Fletcher has been locked up for good. Everyone in Cabot Cove can rest easy tonight! Heck, the entire eastern seaboard can tuck themselves into bed and sleep like babies! Is there any corner of the globe that been left untouched by J.B. Fletcher's collateral damage??? Seriously, this woman can't go on a vacation, or a convention, or a relative's wedding, or a rodeo, or a simple family dinner or a prison without a dead body turning up." Okay...just me?

Synopsis

But alas, the plot is much more mundane than that. Jessica is at the women's prison to substitute teach a creative writing class. Someone sounds the riot alarm, the jailhouse doc is discovered dead of a hefty morphine injection and Mrs. Fletcher is taken hostage by some very angry, very mullet-y, very shotgun-toting middle-aged ladies. With the National Guard about to intervene at any moment, Jessica agrees to investigate the murder.

Suspects

Warden Elizabeth Gates - wants to run for senate, instituted many reforms during her brief stint as warden and so stressed by it all that she was suffering from fainting spells. Now that's a lady who's in need of some work/life balance!

Mary Stamm - resident prison underdog and budding writer, she was unjustly imprisoned for killing her wife-beating hubby. Mary was at the scene of Dr. Matthews' murder AND had a stolen key on her from the prescription cabinet. Looks mighty suspicious!

Kathryn - the apparent leader of the prison riot. Likes: pumping shotguns repeatedly, and "shootin' our way outta here!" Patience is a virtue, Kathryn. Dislikes: prison food and wardens. She is first to jump all over Warden Gates as suspect numero uno in Dr. Matthews' murder. Perhaps she is so anxious to convict the warden just to cover up her own murderous guilt!

Bertha - next in line in the prison rioting hierarchy. (Isn't there's always a Bertha in prison movies?) My fave quote: "If we had any brains, none of us would be in here in the first place." She seems pretty rational, but that doesn't mean she isn't a murderer!

Amanda Debs - 20 year deputy warden. Motivation to kill Dr. Matthews seems rather murky.

Mrs. Mims - grocery delivery person and potential suspect when the lab wasn't able to identify a second set of prints on the morphine vial. But whoops...she became the second murder victim - getting knifed after the power is cut. Boo!

Miss Springer - prison cook and accomplice with Mrs. Mims in a food smuggling scandal. Was Dr. Matthews going to rat them out?

80's Baby!

It was all about the hairstyles. Mulletude! Bad perms! Thank God Jessica was released before anyone gave her a clown perm. Whew.

Famous Actors

Eve Plumb of Brady Bunch fame played "Tug", a prisoner with a mohawk-like mullet. Niiice. Also featured Adrienne Barbeau as Kathryn. She was in quite a few late 70's/early 80's action and horror movies. (Must have been how she learned to pump guns so vigorously!) The good ol' warden was Vera Miles, famous for a role in "Psycho" and a ton of other major motion pictures. I know that the prison cook was also quite famous. She played Moses's mom in classic Charlton Heston version of "The Ten Commandments", but I don't feel like looking up her name right now.

The End

After some thought, Jessica figured out that the second set of fingerprints on the morphine vial actually belonged to Dr. Matthews herself. The state's records were forged with false prints, and that's why they couldn't be readily identified. Right when Mrs. Fletcher steels herself to confront the killer, Kathryn and her rioting crew reach their breaking point and Jessica is held at gunpoint. (Counter alert!) Calming them down (for the hundredth time) in her traditional soothing way, the truth is finally uncovered that Dr. Matthews committed suicide because she nearing exposure for diluting and siphoning the prison drugs for profit.

And who was the ringleader behind all of this prison corruption? Harmless-looking, demure cardigan-wearing Amanda Debs! She knifed Mrs. Mims to cover her tracks, after getting Kathryn to cut the power. Oooh, the rioters were none too pleased with Kathryn after that! Still, under Mrs. Fletcher's calming influence, everyone peaceably returned to their places immediately in what is probably the world's least secure prison facility for 40 and 50-something women. End scene.

Season 2: Dead Heat

2010-10-24T16:47:00.000-07:00

Were getting to the bottom of Season 2, and I'm still resolutely against reviewing, "Jessica behind bars." It's just so... wrong. Instead, I was instantly drawn to, "Dead Heat" and its reminder of those 80's-era soft porn movies (USA, UP all night!). Instead, we have a mystery involving a female horse jockey. How's that for a downer?

Synopsis

I'm not at all motivated to do this, but one day I'm going to create a Fletcher family tree. Ok, so yet another of Jessica's nieces, Tracy, is a horse jockey in a key race. But there are allegations of cheating all round after she wins under curious circumstances. Things get worse for little Tracy when she is accused of murdering Mr. Bowen, the local horse trainer. Similarly, things got worse for my stomach after that 4th egg roll. Sorry, off topic.

The Suspects

Vicki Gallegos-- "Friend" of Tracy's who's hubby, also a jockey, was suspiciously sick right before the big race. Pretty convenient, wouldn't you say?

Carols Gallegos-- Jockey of Bowen's in on his scheme to fix races. Bowen threatened Carlos's sudden turn of conscience, did he off him in return?

Mr. Shackman-- Local mob-man interested in fixing horse races. Bowen wasn't bringing in the big bucks like he promised. Did he knock off him to protect his investment?

80's Baby!

Just the usual. Saddle bags and ugly sweaters.

Famous Actors

Norman Fell of Three's Company landlord fame. Booooring.

I read that again and it came off as really mean. No disrespect Mr. Fell, "Three's Company" was just before my time is'all.

The End?

Jess and Tracy put their heads together in every restaurant scene MSW has ever featured. Tracy indicates some random things were afoot before the race, multiple doctors checking out the horse, an alternate training scheme for the big race. Jess is all over it. She goes after the rival jockey couple, Mr. and Mrs. Gallegos. Carols claims that there is no way the horses could have been switched. He also accuses little Tracy of slipping him a "mickey" before the race, rendering him sick and unable to ride. "Friend" Vicki agrees, saying there is no other logical reason Tracy would have been selected to ride.

Jess learns that Mr. Shackman placed a very strategic bet right before the race. Well, too bad for her, because his henchman find her meddling and promptly have her picked up. He attempts to threaten her over a lobster dinner, in a restaurant that looks vaguely familiar... but Jess gives it as good as she takes it. She eliminates Mr. Shackman as a suspect, even as he continues to point the finger at Tracy. The police agree, and charge Tracy with murder. Seems someone has been very busy planting evidence in her locker.

Jess figures there are 2 horses, swapped for one another to win an easy race. Unfortunately, she finds the other horse. I say, "unfortunately" because she gets held at gunpoint after her discovery (counter alert!). Jess easily slips out of that dilemma, in time to accuse Vicki of murdering Mr. Bowen. Using a phony ticket as her alibi, she killed Mr. Bowen after he threatened her husband with deportion. If we only had comprehensive immigration reform, none of this would have happened. And, scene!

Season 2: Murder in the Electric Cathedral

2010-10-03T13:27:00.000-07:00

How fitting, a evangelical MSW epi for Sunday! And a Southern one at that, praise the Lawd!

Synopsis

Willie John Fargo is a preacher for the "Electric Cathedral," a popular TV show in Oklahoma. And WTF is up with that name. Coincidentally, Jess is visiting an old teacher in the area, Carrie McCetric. Carrie is a wealthy woman of leisure, having found a big pool of Oklahoma crude back in the day! All that wealth comes at an, er, price... Her son and grandson are after her to change her will, and that smooth evangelical is moving in on her money. Well, someone got their way, because Carrie ends up dead.

The Suspects

Willie John Fargo-- Evangelical who swindled Carrie out of her cash right before she kicked the bucket. Did he take things the wrong way when she backed out?

Sister Mary-- Fargo's devoted wife. Was she suspicious Carrie was getting some of hubbs on the side? And, ew. Frankly, ew.

Sam McCetric-- Carrie's grandson, fabricated a fake will to give himself all Carrie's money. So basically, just don't get rich and leave money to folks. Such drama.

Famous Actors

Dick Van Patten! Who was in such Mel Brooks classics as Spaceballs and High Anxiety. Don't believe the wiki twaddle about him being best known for "Eight is Enough." Spaceballs, all the way. "Suck.. suck... suck." Speaking of sucking (sorry, had to) we also have Barbi Benton. Probably best known as one of Hugh Hefner's long...er lady loves. And her hair is ridiculous here.

80's Baby!

Headbands! Big ones.

The End?

Jessica feels compelled to investigate Carrie's death, having found a syringe smelling (yes, smelling) of cyanide. Foul play is afoot, and with all these different wills flying around, no one is sure who Carrie left her money to. Jess debunks the "new" will which leaves all the money to the McCetrics. After that, she gives Willie John a friendly lecture about swindling money from old women. All in a day's work, folks.

Even though medical records are sealed, Jess determines that Willie John is a diabetic, meaning he has EXTREME access to syringes. Awesome. Jess also finds out that McCetric was not where he said he would be the night of Carrie's death. Things take an unexpected turn when Jess, through logic I was bored to tears by, determines Willie's long suffering wife, Sister Mary, was actually the culprit. Apparently, she couldn't stand his sanctimonious 'tude any longer. Willie relents his ways, and Jess consoles him. Now, that's solved! On to Monday...

Season 2: A Lady in the Lake

2010-09-19T11:56:00.000-07:00

Football Sunday? Or football Sunday annnnnnnd MSW!

Synopsis

Harry Pierce, Jess's agent, takes her to a relaxing summer lodge to help her get some writing done. There she meets some unfortunate fellow lodgers. This is why I don't do B & B's. Just the thought of small-talk on vacation is sanity sapping. Things take a turn for the murderous when lodge guest, Carolyn Crane, gets her cookies tossed into the lake. Body gone! Murder declared!

The Suspects

Grace Overholts-- Seriously, that's how her last name sounds to me. Proprietor of the lodge, and all round cranky pants. After her sanity snapped, did she feel some guest drowning might be in order?

Berton Hollis-- Avid bird watcher and fellow guest. Booooring.

Howard Crane-- A-hole hubby of Carolyn, who enjoyed maligning her in front of lodge guests. He was seen basically throwing Carolyn over the side of the boat, soooo guilty!

Famous Actors

John Astin who we first saw in Season 1's Horray for Homicide. I THINK he is recurring as Jess's agent, but to tell the truth he is in so many MSW epis, it's hard to keep track.

80's Baby!

Grace wears these awful Victorian slash prairie-like blouses. Kind of like those now famous LDS dresses. Same hairdo as well.

The End?

Jess overlooks the obvious suspect, Carolyn's husband Howard. He seems too woebegone and all-round pitiful. Even though she... basically saw him throw his wife into the lake. She interrogates Jack, the resort stud who spends his time boinking the wives of hotel guests. He sports a fantastic mullet, but doesn't give much in the way of information. She does find out that Carolyn was an expert swimmer from Howard, who claims he himself never learned.

Jess thinks the whole thing is fishy, Carolyn might have faked her death in order to get out of an unpleasant marriage. Note to Carolyn: it's called a divorce. Unfortunately for Carolyn, her body is found the next day. After unveiling an affair between Howard and a lodge guest, things are looking VERY bad for Howard. Even as he his hauled away by Sheriff Loseafew, Jess remains unconvinced. She joins the ride to the police station to confirm that not only did Howard Crane make a boatload selling his business, a mysterious cousin is set to inherit the proceeds now that Carolyn is dead. Oh, and about Carolyn, she was strangled before she died, so Howard could not have done the deed. But WHO could it have been?

Berton Hollis, our harmless bird watcher. Long-lost cousin of Howard who helped Carolyn orchestrate her "death". Too bad for Carolyn, he decided that he would make the plan permanent, strangling her after she used scuba gear to swim away from the boat. The money proved too tempting to pass up. So much for getting some writing done. Huh, Jess?

Season 2: Reflections of the Mind

2010-09-12T14:55:00.000-07:00

Hysterical-woman shaking in this epi. The very best kind if you ask me.

Synopsis

Francesca Lodge is simply LOSING HER MIND, as evidenced by the fact that she believes the ghost of her dead (first) husband is haunting her. I lose my mind all the time, no ghost haunting though. JB comes swooping in to save the day, visiting Francesca in the pysch ward. Oops, just forget about what I said about my mind-losing abilities. And please don't commit me. Things get downright murderous when her new hubby, Scott, meets his end in an automobile accident. Seems like someone slipped him a jimmy before he got in the car. But who?

The Suspects

Cheryl Lodge-- Former psych ward wacko and now devoted daughter of Francesca's. Supposidly.

Francesca Lodge-- With Scott out of the way, Fran can help herself to some nice company dough, AND marry someone younger. Cougers everywhere rejoyce.

Victor Marsh-- "Friend" of Francesca's who is currently moonlighting as her personal psych doc. JB calls him on his "interesting" bedside manner. And for JB, "interesting" is not a compliment.

Famous Actors

Ann Blyth, old-school musical/dramatic actress nominated for her role in Mildred Pierce. Beyond some second-rate TV actors, that about rounds it out.

80's Baby!

Fran's perm is truly a work of art.

The End

JB sticks by her friend Francesca, vowing to unmask the culprit behind Scott's demise, and the "mind tricks" someone has been pulling on Fran. She has her work cut out for her. In the span of a few hours, Fran carries on like the wackiest mental patient you've ever seen. Lots of woman-shaking in these scenes, women are SO very unhinged. JB finds it interesting that Fran's first husband's room is sealed shut. She also finds evidence that some culprit is behind Fran's crazy episodes. Dead canaries in the garden, that sort of thing.

Bonehead sherrif is convinced that Fran is behind it all. Which, at this point, I wish she was. All this, "I'm crazy" acting is wearing on my Sunday evening nerves. It all comes together one stormy night... the phone is out of order... and Jess finds this a good time to open the sealed room, revealing the sinister props used to drive Fran batty. Cheryl is with her, flips out, and confesses that she tried to kill Scott. Apparently, it runs in the family. Jess theorizes with her mother committed, and Scott dead, Cheryl would get all that company dough. Open and shut.

Season 2: Sing a Song of Murder

2010-09-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

We're in jolly old England this week, catching up with Jessica's feisty Irish cousin "Emma." A nod to Angela Lansbury's roots, no less! This also means everyone except Anglea has to suffer through a terrible English accent. Ah well, tea and cakes for everyone!

Synopsis

Mmmm, cake. So Emma is the star of a variety act of sorts, sings nice little songs about yellow birds n' such. Everyone seems to like the bit, but apparently the show isn't doing so well. Something about declining revenues. Things start getting murderous when Emma is killed in a fatal auto accident.

The Suspects

Archie Wheems- Manager of Emma's sinking ship of a variety show. She refused to let him sell out her partnership, so it makes perfect sense he'd just off her and save himself the trouble. Such is life in jolly old London.

Oliver Trumble- Friend (with benefit?) of Emma's who favored selling the show as well. Was conveniently absent right before Emma almost gets mowed down by a taxi. Apparently, he had to go, "Get his wallet." Whatever.

Kitty Trumble- Cranky-pants daughter of Oliver. Didn't like Emma's meddling with daddy dearist. Did jealousy get the better of her? And, ew. Majorly, ew.

Famous Actors

Sarah Douglas aka one of the supervillains in the Superman movies. Ohhhh Christpher Reeve, you hunk you. And CAN you believe, we have Olivia Hussey playing the murderous Kitty Trumble. Olivia starred in THE version of Romeo and Juliet in 1968. It's the one with the cutest Romeo, check it out.

80's Baby!

Ewwwww, curly mullets. And that "wet" Jerry curl look, on a woman. Geeeee. However, I am happy to note that Emma sports a really cute leopard coat I'd be happy to flounce around in. Rar!

The End?

Jess rushes over to England to find Emma sitting primly in a limo. That brat faked her own death to determine who is behind the murder attempts. So, now I see why Jess hasn't exactly kept in touch. Emma seems like a complete pain in the ass. Still Jess agrees to investigate, and quickly makes the best of it by poking round London. She finds our cast of suspects very anxious to see what's in the will. I really hope people don't scrounge over my pittance of a will after I go. Kinda depressing.

Teaming up with our quintessentially English-looking inspector from Scotland Yard, Jess stakeouts Emma's hideaway to make sure she's safe. Just before they leave, Emma's trusted assistant Bridgette (sorry B), gets struck down by a car. Dies instantly! Bridgette was wearing Emma's clothing, and so the plot thickens. Do people suspect that Emma is still alive? Jess basically tells everyone this, so there's really no mystery about it.

Besides trying to get Emma to sell le business, everyone doesn't seem particularly interested in killing her. Besides, of course, Kitty Trumble! "I had to kill her, for you dad!" Kitty cites some lame excuse about letting Emma drag daddy into the second-rate acting realm of musical theatre. Ouch. Ok, tea and cake time! There are some English traditions that simply need to be honored.

Season 2: School for Scandal

2010-08-29T12:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm seriously ready for fall. Enough of this sunny, heaty-hot business.

Synopsis

Today we are at Crenshaw Academy, where Jess is slated to provide a commencement speech. The head of the English Department, Professor Lare, throws a big ol' party to celebrate. Champagne is consumed, snacks are snacked upon, and the Professor's daughter Daphene shows up drunk, flashes the party and then jumps in the pool. Yeah, my college party's weren't like that either. We never got to swim in pools. Daphene's rowdy boyfriend, Nick Fulton, is found dead the next morning. Good thing Jess found him whilst out for a jog, running does wonders folks.

Suspects

Daphene Clover- Daphene is a famous romance novelist who liked to toy with Nick. Did he toy back!?!? And then did she toy back harder, like by killing him? Sorry, I'm a bit tired today. It sounded better in my head.

Alger Crane- Colleague devoted to Professor Lare. Was angry at Daphne making such a scene, would he kill her boy-toy to get back at her?

Ron Mercer- Nick liked to hit on Ron's wife. A good motive as any, I say.

Famous Actors

John Vernon aka Dean Wormer of Animal House fame. Very cool. We also have Roddy McDowall, jack of all trades actor-wise. Roddy and Angela Lansbury were supposedly tight, which I think is awesome. I'd be friends with Roddy if I could.

80's Baby!

Jess goes a-joggin in a cowl-necked, tapered sweatpant/top combo. Viva!

The End?

Since Jessica found the body and writes about CRIME, Chief Moron decides she can help solve Nick's murder. She makes her rounds with the Chief, trying not to look bored. But it's not until an anonymous tip leads to Daphene's guest room that the murder weapon is revealed. A glass decanter without prints on it. Yeah, not exactly a smoking gun. They also turn up a blackmail note to Daphene purportedly from Nick. Jess tish-tosh'es the flimsy evidence, "My goodness Chief!" she retorts, noting these pieces could be planted. What's more, the blackmail note was written with a typewriter, one that slightly slants the letter "e."

Jess finds it's odd that Daphene didn't seem to know much about books, as she is supposedly a famous writer. Well, 5 minutes with Daphene's mother, Professor Lare, reveals that SHE had written those famous books. What's more, she confesses to killing Nick. Apparently, Nick found out about their arrangement, and was looking to cash in. Professor Lare confesses to knocking him on the head, but Jess thinks there is more to the story...

GUESS who has the typewriter with the slated "e". And GUESS when the train to Boston leaves! Yes, ye old train schedule alibi. Alger Crane! He phoned the false tip to Chief Moron, afraid that Professor Lare would be charged with the crime. Apparently, he harbored a crush on her all these years. He snuck up to the house after Nick was knocked down, but not yet dead, and finished the job. Jess hurries to give her speech, and I have to say I called this one. The guest star is ALWAYS the murderer.

Season 2: Murder in the Afternoon

2010-08-22T11:10:00.001-07:00

Ahhh, thunderstorms on a Sunday afternoon. Right up there with a pot of tea and some MSW.

Synopsis

JB's niece, Nita, is on a hit soap opera about a fictional town called Pittsville. The show features a masked intruder called the "Avenger" who has been killing off the town's residents one by one. Fiction becomes reality when a person masked as the Avenger offs Joyce, the head writer. All attention immediately turns to Nita, who plays the Avenger on the show. But Jess ain't buying what Officer Donut is selling.

The Suspects

Carol Jones- Joyce's minion and now head-writer and producer. WHAT a coincidence! Kind of like pushing the head showgirl down the stairs to get the star spot. Yeah, I saw that movie. Make something of it.

Larry Holland- Joyce's husband who enjoys a bit of flim-flam on the side. Claims he fought with Joyce, but then was "bar hopping" during the actual murder. "I'm hungover and sick, and now my wife is dead!" he cries. Geez Jess, give the dude a break!

Bebe Hartland- Actor threatened with the pink slip, claims she was out "driving" when the murder occurred. And let's face it, even I can think of a better alibi than that.

Famous Actors

Willam Ahterton plays Larry, who in his illustrious career was the pain-in-the-ass EPA agent in Ghostbusters. How awesome. Alice Krige plays Nita, and most recently had to work for Al Swearengen in the Deadwood series (sofreakingood). Rounding out the list we have MaKensie Phillips. Yeah, I'm not touching this one. Just read the link.

80's Baby!

It's so handy to have your tan swing bag on whilst being arrested. Hands-free, see?

The End?

Nita obviously didn't inherit the Fletcher smarts, because she is nowhere to be found after the murder. She eventually turns herself into the police, but Jess does the scolding. "Running was a very silly thing to do!" All the other cast members are thrilled Joyce is dead, and not too put out that Nita is in the slammer, assholes. Jess neatly intercepts Larry and then proceeds to dismantle his alibi. He confesses he was "warming the sheets" with Bebe, still smarting from his fight with Joyce. Bebe confirms his new story during a drunken encounter with Jess. (Bebe was drunk, not Jess. Der).

Back to the show! All the writing and producing responsibilities have turned over to Carol, and everyone is surprised to see her continue in Joyce's footsteps of killing off cast-mates. Jess walks in on a particularly angry exchange with an actor, but Carol assures her it's all out of her hands. She also claims that Joyce didn't discuss the changes she planned for the program, something Jess doesn't buy. It's not until the director gets shot by the "Avenger" that Jess FINALLY gets help from the police. Obviously, with Nita in custody, she couldn't be the masked gunman.

Jess has some fun with the show and has Carol write in some fiction of her own. It's all fun and games until she confronts Larry with evidence that he shot Joyce with his own gun. Larry tries to run, and is quickly intercepted by the police. Jess reveals she didn't have any ballistic evidence on him at all, she just went on a hunch and she confessed. Officer Donut is impressed, scene!

Season 2: Widow, Weep for Me

2010-08-15T12:10:00.000-07:00

I love it when Jess dresses up. In fact, I love dressing up. If I could stay in my church clothes all day, I would. But that's a dicey proposition when naps are involved. And this Sunday definitely involves naps, my friend.

Synopsis

Jess goes "undercover" as a rich widow at a Caribbean island resort. Think purple turban, caftan, gaudy jewels, and a 'tude to match! Unfortunately, she's not doing this just for fun (damn), but to investigate the death of a close friend, Antoinette (said with a fancy French accent). Apparently, Inspector KnowNothing thinks it was just a suicide. But Jess has her fortune teller turban on, and has a few ideas about the...

Suspects

Michael Haggarty-- Irish rogue who "picks up" Jessica at the roulette table (!!!!). He also has a hard time keeping up that Irish accent, but that's ok because I've attempted it as well (only in bars) and it's really, really hard. Apparently, Michael Haggarty's credentials are suspect, which makes him a.... er.... suspect.

Sven -- Former Olympic athlete with no last name needed. Purported boy-toy of Antoinette's who broke bad after their torid affair. He needs to play some more tennis, cool that temper off a bit.

Shelly Greenberg-- Hotel security man, who was conveniently on the scene when Jess's purse was lifted. And isn't that the OPPOSITE of security! Isn't It! ISN'T IT!!!!

Famous Actors

Sorry 'bout that, I'm always cranky after naps. No famous actors that I could recognize. But like I said, am cranky pants and in NO mood to google.

80's Baby!

The glittering evening wear alone is worth a watch folks. That and the turbans, which I believe is technically is a 70's item, but which I'll note for their ubiquity in this epi.

The End?

Jess flaunts her way into the hearts and minds of all the other resort guests. She wears the jewels, she FLASHES the CLEAVAGE, has drinks with pink umbrellas in them, gambles! Well, her luck runs out, because after a romantic dinner with Michael Haggarty, her purse gets lifted outside the hotel. Everyone is predictably useless in identifying the thief. This doesn't stump Jess, who spots the thief casually chatting with our hotel security man, Shelly Greenberg. Apparently, he was on to her alias, and wanted to sneak a look at her ID. After some browbeating (done by Jess of course), she promises to put him in her new book. This should be a counter, happens ALL the time.

But all is not well, someone else is on to her alias. After accepting a ride from the roguish Michael Haggarty, she realizes they are being followed! Cue awkward car-chase scene in really old, non-fast cars. They give them the slip, but not after Michael outs her as JB Fletcher. It appears Michael knew Antoinette very well, hired by her father to investigate her death. There's more mumbo jumbo about internal familiar relations, a child born out of wedlock, blah blah blah. All shocking for the 80's I'm sure. So basically, Haggarty is a private detective and wants to team up with Jess. But rich widows only work alone. Jess doesn't believe Sven was anything more than a pleasant distraction, and turns our attention to our last suspect...

"You've got quite an imagination" Shelly Greenberg retorts, as Jess reveals he killed Antoinette for her jewels. "It was simply greed!" She squeaks, and he holds her at gunpoint (counter alertttt!). As the owner of all the safety deposit keys, he lifted the jewels, and killed her to hide his theft. Michael arrives on the scene with his own gun JUST in time, saved again! JB packs her bags, gets a kiss on the hand from our dashing Irishman, and heads back to Cabot Cove. Now that's a vacation.

Season 2: The Perfect Foil

2010-07-25T15:45:00.000-07:00

We're in Nawlans this week, and hot damn! It sure feels like it in the muggy swamp land death valley that is DC these days. So Jess is on travel and I'm boycotting this whole "outside" business. Nah!

Synopsis

Jess gets guilt tripped to check in on a cousin while in the area. Too bad she screwed up her reservation, leaving her without a hotel room on Mardi Gras! Unlike the rest of us, endless vodka cranberries and a quick wash in the bar sink won't do the trick. So she tracks down Clahoun Fletcher and happens upon a smashing costume party! An aside: I really, really want to go to one of these and be Sherlock Holmes. Jess has trouble finding Cal, and no one seems to know where he is. It's not until a sword fight (yes) ensues that a dead body turns up. Uh oh! Party's over.

Suspects

Cal Fletcher-- Ol' cousin's name was written in blood next to the deceased, a local gambling magnate named Johnny Blaze. Cal's a butterfly collector, and on those grounds should automatically no longer be a suspect, but of course the Lieutenant doesn't see things that way.

Lieutenant Cavette-- Seems bound and determined to frame Cal, which seems suspicious to Jess. But what could a policeman POSSIBLY be hiding? (Note: a great many things)

Gil "The Bodyguard"-- Bodyguard (der) of Johnny Blaze, who looks at him all mean-like when Johnny beats up his girlfriend, Kitty. So I really hope it's not him because he was very chivalrous.

Famous Actors

You know it's so frustrating googling things like "red-head featured in many soap operas." I just never find the results ideal. One actor I was successful in identifying is Robert Forster, who played the killer role of Max Cherry in "Jackie Brown." He looks young and luscious here. Just being honest.

80's Baby!

Johnny's girlfriend, Kitty, has one of the most unfortunate haircuts I've ever seen on a human being. I mean even for the 80's it must have gotten a few eye rolls. It's like curled and short by her face, and then kind of poodles around her head... Kind of like one of those Louie XIV wigs.

The End?

Johnny Blaze was running an undercover card ring under the guise of a private club. Assured by her cousin's innocence (remember, butterfly collector), Jess decides the best way to get to the bottom of things is to have dinner with our dashing Lieutenant. Do you notice that every restaurant Jess dines in looks... pretty much the same? Apparently, Jess doesn't, but she does get some intel from the Lieutenant. Johnny had some illicit dealings with a Congressman and his WIFE! She delivers this with much more panache than I thought it deserved, but whatever. I'm sure he had illicit dealings with everyone, hence his line of business...

After Jess befriends some of Johnny's "friends", including his girlfriend, Kitty, and his bodyguard (the dashing Robert Foster), they let her in on a little secret. Johnny was responsible for the death of Lieutenant Cavette's young son. Jess confronts Cavette, and he assures her within the span of 5 seconds that he's "over" it. She also sleuths that he was in attendance at the party that night, as evidenced by his distinctive pinky ring (!). He admits he was there, but claims he was only searching for evidence of Johnny's guilt.

Thus assured, Jess stages a dramatic rendering of the crime. She proves that Cal's costume was used to commit the crime, but it wasn't Cal at all. Through some "he is actually left handed!" and "How did he know I was his cousin?" wordplay, she reveals the killer. The bodyguard. In the study. With the letter opener. Gil admits he wrote Cal's name in blood to divert attention. Thus securing his fate, Bodyguard Gil assures a sobbing Kitty that Johnny will never hurt her again. Jess goes to dinner (same restaurant), scene!

Season 2: Menace, Anyone?

2010-06-27T16:58:00.000-07:00

I may or may not have outfitted my new bike with a basket. Ok, suspense over. I totally did. AND I play the MSW song in my head as I ramble around the neighborhood, pissing off cars as I go.

Synopsis

Ok, kudos for the writers on this one. This epi involves tennis... Get it! Menace, anyone? I love it. Ok so, Jess is doing the honors at a local charity tennis game. A former student of hers, (who isn't at this point) Carol, works for the racquet club hosting the event. Carol is madly in love with Brian East, one of the celebrity players. But it's not meant to be, because Brian gets blown up starting Carol's car at the charity dinner fete. And you can really tell they got a bump in production dough by the looks of the explosion. No runaway cars in this season!

Suspects

Doris Robinson-- Daughter of the Carol's boss, majorly gunning for her job. And what better way to secure it than setting her up for murder?

Mitch Mercer-- Personal manager of celebrity tennis "talent" who held a major grudge against Carol. Something about Carol expecting his client to do his job. I mean, really!

Sissy Barnes-- Former lover of Brian's, and current pain in the ass on the celebrity tennis circuit. But does a woman who wears pink ruffles on a black cocktail dress KNOW how to rig a car bomb? I ask you! (yes?!?)

Famous Actors

Linda Hamilton! Sporting some serious range with her Emmy-worthy shock/grief scene after discovering a body. Seriously, she's just so great. We also have some repeat MSWers here. For one, Van Johnson appears as Carol's boss, Elliot. We last saw him as a mad scientist (engineer?) in "Hit, Run, and Homicide". Also, the detective looks a whole lot like Lieutenant Barnes in Season 1's "Murder at the Oasis".

80's Baby!

The perms are really out of control in this epi, but I can see my 80's self being REALLY jealous of them all the same. Ok, so the rundown is basically those drop waist prairie dresses (wore several to church, as I remember), a black and green striped suit with gigantic black belt, and a pink ruffled black crystal-studded cocktail dress. That last one was a challenge to describe, let me tell you.

The End?

Jess finds Carol's reaction troubling. Not only does she seem a bit too nonchalant at Brian's death, she refuses to acknowledge the fact that her sister, Barbara, is deceased. I know, but it even gets weirder. JB goes nosing around and proves that Carol was recently committed. It's not until one of the policemen get killed at Carol's house that Jess really starts worrying. Carol claimed "Barbara" killed him. You can see where this is going. So Barbara turns up after all, some kind of mistaken identity story. Nothing you haven't seen on Cold Case.

It's clear someone is trying to set up Carol. Either that or Carol did it, I guess. Jess and our hapless Lieutenant go to her house to find it ransacked, dynamite lying around willy nilly! But dynamite doesn't scare Jess off the sent. The, er, scent takes her to the racquet club, where she confronts Carol's boss, and daddy-dearest, Elliot. It doesn't take long for Jess to reveal that he had been covering for Doris all along! Apparently, he found some dynamite of hers and started asking questions. Involved fathers folks, involved fathers. While planting evidence implicating Carol, a woman she hated with a passion, Doris offed the policeman. Daughters like these folks, daughters like these.

Season 2: Murder by Appointment Only

2010-06-20T12:17:00.000-07:00

Wow, we closed out Season 1 already. Well, the epis available on Netflix instant that is. I wait for no one, Netflix!

Synopsis

I've exhausted my Grady jibes, that is all.

Jess is in town visiting said relative for his latest venture, working for Lila Lee cosmetics. His boss, Mr. Anderson (I say it in my head the way they do in the Matrix), is quite taken with Grady's new visitor. So he invites Jess to dinner with his young girlfriend, Elizabeth Gordon. Well, DONT cha' know it, Liz was a student of Jess' back in the day. They all agree to have dinner to celebrate this random meeting, but Liz doesn't show up. Sensing something sour, Jess and Mr. Anderson go up to her apartment to find her dead! Sprawled in her ridiculously-huge-for-NYC apartment with the place ransacked, and coral lipstick scrawled on a gigantic oil painting of... herself. What, you don't have one of those? *cough*

Suspects

Norman Anderson- Long-suffering brother of Lila Lee, and president of Lila Lee Cosmetics. Was possessive and protective of his lady love, a DEADLY combination if I ever saw one.

Lila Lee- Norman's sister, the face of Linda Lee Cosmetics and resident MSW rhymes-with-witch. Offered Liz $50k to leave her bro, which Liz turned down. So, obviously, Linda got cranky and killed her. At least she got to keep her $50k. Lookin' on the bright side today.

Todd Anderson- Son of Norman Anderson. Fought with daddy dearest about his young girlfriend. "I'm tired of having conversations on your own terms!" he screeches to daddy. So yeah, Happy Father's Day, you little brat.

Famous Actors

Liz's madam (not a typo, we're getting there in a bit) has been in several MSWs, and is certainly an 80's great. But alas, I don't care.

80's Baby!

Scrunched up sleeves on leather jackets, color on lips not found in nature. Tried-and-true 80's, folks! Lila Lee wears a purple cape that I am strangely enamored by. I'm going to wear one to work one day, flounce around in it.

The End?

Jess immediately picks up on cranky Todd's hatred for Liz, but passes it off as mere jealousy (ouch). After a little Council of War with the NYC lieutenant, Jess learns there's no WAY Liz could afford that Park Avenue apartment. Note to Jess: "duh". She follows up on Liz's previous employer, and quickly ferrets out that the "telephone referral service" she purportedly worked for is really a cover for a high-end prostitution ring. So yeah, basically Liz was the Ashley Dupre of her time. The "best in the business" according to the madam. Jess figures Norman didn't know this juicy tidbit, a man can go from love to hate so easily... The madam said that, not me. I quote, it's just what I do.

Jess, replete in wool plaid and pearls, confronts Norman with this info. He claims to know from the beginning, but just loved her too much to let it get in the way. Aw, shucks. We misjudged you Norman! But there is.... just one more thing. A receipt for a $500 purchase at a men's store. Norman claims it was "for his birthday" but a bit of nosing of Jess' reveals his birthday is not for several months. After Grady sloppily talks to the store owner (sooo hard to watch), Jess confronts the former lover and recipient of the gift. A fancy tux, purchased for her boy toy. Apparently, Liz just couldn't get him out of her head (and bed, apparently). Attention turns back to the only man who would be upset by this. The only one who would have access to the unique coral lipstick that was smeared all over Liz's portrait.

Norman! The lipstick is called "Tangerine Twist". Har! And BTW, if you were having an affair and wanted to buy your lover a tuxedo WHY in god's name would you charge it to your boyfriend's account? Liz Gordon, not the shiniest marble. Norman confesses after a half-hearted, "I don't know what you're talking about." But he does, and lieutenant so-and-so is listening in from another room. Jess gives her best head shake, cue credits.

Season 2: One Good Bid Deserves a Murder

2010-06-08T12:34:00.000-07:00

Remember when people kept diaries? You know, before blogs existed? Oh, come on - you kept a diary in your nightstand with a little lock on it. Admit it!

Synopsis

Ah, the good ol' days...back when young sexy starlets had plenty of time to write in diaries on a daily basis. Or actually knew how to string enough words together by hand to form coherent sentences that folks would later pay millions for. At least one fancy celeb and friend of Jessica's would pay a cool mil: Richard Bennett. He asks Jess to take a million dollar check (written out to her, no less!) to bid on his behalf at an auction featuring a reportedly scandalous diary by a young actress named Evangeline who had recently committed suicide.

That is some deep trust. Here's a million dollar check, Mrs. Fletcher. Now win me a diary! I'd be outta there faster than you can say, "Smell me later, Bennett!"

Turns out he's not the only person who wants a peak into Evangeline's secrets. After Richard's dead body falls out of an armoire at the auction house and the diary is stolen, Jessica's hot on the trail of yet another mystery.

Suspects

Lt. Casey – Lead police detective on the case. To Jess: "If murder were a disease, you'd be contagious." We've all been thinking it. About time someone held this woman accountable via a nonsensical quip!

Dr. Sydney Dunn – Evangeline's former psychiatrist, offered $5k to auctionhouse worker Bert to steal the diary. What secrets about Dr. Dunn could the diary hold, and was she willing to kill to get her hands on it first?

Harry McGraw – Jessica's private investigator buddy du jour. Conveniently pops up to "help" with the case just in time to photocopy Evangeline's stolen journal to sell to the highest bidder after they discover it hidden in Mrs. Fletcher's hotel room. Maybe he killed Richard to protect this little diary gravy train.

William Radford – Ran the auction and faked the theft of the diary, hiding it in a chess set sent to Jessica's room. Oops, he got stabbed and Jess discovers the body. Doesn't mean he didn't kill Richard!

Bert Cromwell – Works at auction house and another one of Evangeline's biggest fans. Was he just in the wrong places at the wrong times, or was he capable of murder?

Sal Domino – Film producer and the diary's current owner. Possession is 9/10th of the law? Turns out the auction was just one giant publicity stunt. Did he kill Richard and William to garner even bigger press?

Robert Rhine – Becomes so desperate to obtain the diary for a Senator who had a brief affair with Evangeline that he pulls on gun on Jessica (counter alert!). Sounds mighty suspicious to me...

Deborah Chase – Sal's "secretary", she had a "thing" for Richard Bennet ever since her mom was president of his fan club. Big fan = stalking = murder?

Sheila Saxon – Evangeline's former publicist, tries to buy a copy of the diary from McGraw so she can make megabucks with a film about the book. Financial gain is one of the most compelling murder motives in the book, I'm told.

Famous Actors
Where do I begin? I'm spoiled for choice on this episode. Let's not even get into the preternaturally unchanging Jerry Orbach of "Law and Order" fame as Harry McGraw. There's also the multiple "Murder, She Wrote" guest star Edward Mulhare as Richard Bennett, most famous to me for his stint on the 80's hit, "Knight Rider". Next is Vic Tayback (Sal Domino), really famous as the Mel's diner guy from the long-running sitcom "Alice". My parents must've watched that show a ton because he seemed more than a little eerily familiar.

Don't forget the vaguely familiar Karen Black (Dr. Sydney Dunn) who I apparently remembered from her role in the Robert Redford/Mia Farrow version of "The Great Gatsby". Finally, rounding out the cast is soap star Nancy Grahn (Sheila Saxon) who plays hard-hitting attorney Alexis Davis on General Hospital. Or at she did several years back when I used to watch that show on occasion. A-hem.

80's Baby!
You've gotta see this poster of Evangeline towards the beginning of this episode. Thank you Eighties for allowing a drapey and shapeless bright red sequined muu muu to be considered sexy. It's been a long time since that sort of attire screamed "young hot ingenue".

The End
Turns out Bert is short for Albert, or "Al" in Evangeline's fearful diary entries. He and Evangeline had a relationship of sorts before she hit it big, which turned to stalking after he was dumped. Bert crumbles like a week-old cookie during an interrogation by Jessica and co, admitting that he tried to steal the diary and was caught by Richard Bennett - so he killed him. Then Bert killed William Radford when trying to force him to reveal the diary's location after it was supposedly stolen. It didn't take much more for him to confess to killing Evangeline as well. Apparently, he knew she was deep into drugs (some supplied by Dr. Dunn) and wanted to "put her out of her misery". Ugh.

I think this episode brings us back to a good mood by ending with a ha-ha moment between Jessica and Harry McGraw, but since I don't feel like watching it to refresh my memory for the 3rd of 4th time, please feel free to use your imagination. I'm sure your version will be more humorous by a landslide. Just keepin' it real, everybody! :)

Season 1: Tough Guys Don't Die

2010-05-22T17:46:00.000-07:00

They pay alimony... Haa! Am comic genius.

Harry McGraw (Jerry Orbach) makes his Season 1 debut in this Boston whodunit. And to all you Law and Order fans currently boo-hooing, I'll have you know Orbach was at his finest squaring off against Jessica Fletcher. Da Dum!

Synopsis

Jessica lives in an incredibly big house for just one person and no kids. Just a thought. That's just a lot of BS cleaning to put yourself through, is all.

Miles Ames, a detective friend of Jess's, gets himself shot killed while investigating a case for her. Ames had a partner, Detective McGraw, who assumes the case they were working on had something to do with his death. Jess feels guilty about all this, and quickly decides to start harassing the detective's widow to find further details of her case. We suffer through some painful cop-ish one liners before it becomes apparent that Ames was working on 3 cases before he was killed. A background investigation, a re-tread 0f an old murder (for Jess), and surveillance on an unfaithful hubby. Jess and McGraw move quickly to figure out which case holds the fateful clue. Is it...

Suspects

Priscilla Daniels-- Editor of "Femininity" a top-notch women's magazine (remember Sassy?!). Ames was doing a background investigation of Priscilla-pants before he kicked the bucket. I find that INTERESTING.

Rich Santini-- Construction company owner and naughty husband. Was having his extracurricular activities put under the microscope by Ames. And since this isn't DC, people actually CARE! Very, very interesting.

Judge Carter Lambert-- Presided over an old murder trial Jess was interested in. "The case is best forgotten!" he snaps at her. Seems he got the accused off pretty neatly and is perfectly prickly about it.

Famous Actors

Jerry Orbach who doesn't appear to age from here to L&O. He's just so great. I guess if I continue to review 80's-era TV I should get used to dead actors. But still. I miss him.

80's Baby!

I swear the red-nighty-evening-dress-and-pearls outfit Jess sports at Priscilla's party is a total rerun. And OMG, you have to see Priscilla's apartment. Neon pink lights, male AND female robe-door-answering, and the most bizarre chain-link stairwell you've ever/never imagined. GAAAA, please watch this! There's even random fern placement.

The End?

Jess finds out that Priscilla is behind her own background investigation, apparently to clean the slate before her run for political office. After a chilly run-in with Judge Lambert, Jess bugs Ames' widow for more info about her case. Turns out Ames got further than she thought, a small town in Vermont (?). Seemingly with no other leads, Jess takes a trip and uncovers some revelations about the case. Judge Lambert follows her, and apparently explains the true story during the length of a 5 second car ride... So she forgives his role in the case (something to do with vigilante justice, you know, the usual). It's clear to her that the first 2 cases are a blind, and when a steakout at Santini's office gets violent, all attention turns to Santini.

While McGraw heads out to get revenge for his partner, something is bothering Jess. She looks at the case files and notices a vital clue is missing... paper ripped from the case file! Jess does some digging, and discovers the missing paper revealed a painful abortion in Priscilla's past (this scene is chock-full of inaccurate medical information, just FYI). So we only have one suspect right?

Santi... no, it's Ray Kravitz, an associate of McGraw's we meet AT THE END OF THE EPISODE. Well, not at the end, end, but introduced seriously late in the epi. Ray found out about the abortion secret of Priscilla's and planned blackmail, but first he had to eliminate Ames. Kravitz pulls a gun (counter alerttttt). "Smart, Ms. Fletcher, but soooo stupid!" But McGraw saves the day, until next time that is!

Season 1: Paint Me a Murder

2010-05-16T13:05:00.000-07:00

You know MSW is in a different location when "ethnic music" starts the credits. "Mediterranean" must mean gypsy banjo to the producers, because this intro is banging. We open on a gorgeous Mediterranean island where gloved hands are loosening a very large, very heavy stone statue. Ahhh, murder on a Sunday afternoon. And Robert Goulet in a red scarf.

Synopsis

I'm not kidding it's a little red scarf/tie, like something a French mime would wear. Gouldet plays Willard, a wealthy hanger-on. And I just want you to know that scene with him in his little red scarf makes this entire epi worth it. Willard is a guest on the secluded island of Diego Santana, the famous artist. But bad news for Diego, someone keeps trying to kill him. He narrowly escapes the old-stone-statue-over-balcony ploy, but he is worried someone will try again soon. You know, with an even HEAVIER statue. We have a smattering of other island guests, an ex-wife, a new, younger wife, an business associate. All have awful, very un-Mediterranean accents. Jessica arrives just in time for Diego's 60th birthday party, in a helicopter.

It's an island! Remember? She HAD to come in a helio. Right after her arrival, Willard has a heart attack on the beach. Then Diego gets killed via crossbow. Happy birthday, sucker!

Suspects

Elaine Macuba-- Philanthropist dedicated to the plight of African children. So, she's a real downer. "If you sold that painting it could fed hundreds of African children!" Would she kill Diego to get her hands on those paintings?

Willard Kaufman-- Purportedly wealthy patron who seems a wee-bit jealous of Diego. But then again, Diego doesn't have that snazzy red tie, now does he?

Sir John-- Comrade of Diego's. Pompous, white haired, sports a Hamilton tan. 80's tastic! Lied about seeing Kaufman recently, but why?

Famous Actors

Robert Goulet, who apparently had severe performance anxiety after his relatives used to torture him into doing impressions. Yikes. Anywho, Grammy and Tony award-winning, take that toxic relatives.

80's Baby!

Jess wears a truly astonishing black/gold sequin number at dinner. Apart from your usual gigantic earrings and floral head-to-toe evening dresses, not much else.

The End?

Jess makes her rounds interviewing the guests. She finds out that Willard has been slowly buying up Diego's paintings and lying about it! After a nice jog, Jess hastens her search for the killer after someone torches Diego's studio. This happens in the middle of the night, so of course Jess is in her favorite robe (counter alert). Looks like yellow silk. Nice. In fact, everyone is in their robes. Ew. Men in robes.

Apparently, after lots of subplots and random scenery shots, Jess has enough to accuse Sir John. So so she arranges a MSW set up. She implicates Sir John with Willard Kaufman, who had been purchasing Diego's paintings on his behalf. Sir John knew that with Diego's death, the paintings would skyrocket in price. So he killed him. With friends like these Diego, with friends like these.

Season 1: Broadway Malady

2010-05-09T16:58:00.000-07:00

La la la laaaaaaaa la, la laaaaaaa, la laaaaaa! Ew. Grady is in this one. Insta mood killer.

Synopsis

Rita Bristol is starring in a new Broadway musical in NYC. In fact, there are 3 Bristols involved in the play. Rita is the matriarch, along with her children, actor Patty and producer Barry. They seem to be some sort of storied theatre family. Kind of like the Redgraves*. Grady wants his Aunt Jess to catch the play while she is in town meeting with "tedious attorneys." Snort! After a few painful lip syncing numbers, the Bristols invite Jess out for a family dinner. On the way home, Patty and Barry get held up. The mugger demands jewels, but before Patts can hand over, she gets shot. Barry draws a concealed gun and kills the perp dead. Open and shut?

Suspects

Patty Bristol-- Has her full lady face on and hair did when Jess comes to console her. Pretty blase for a mom with a coma-bedridden-child. So... Happy Mother's Day!

Barry Bristol-- How handy to have your weapon at the ready JUST when your sis gets shot full of lead. But if someone shot my sister I'd pretty much kill them also. Then I'd pee all over their grave. Bastard.

Mark-- Caaaa-ranky director who spews his displeasure with leads Patty and Rita to anyone who will listen. Has a ready replacement as soon as Patty hits the pavement. Casting couch *cough*.

Famous Actors

Vivian Blaine, Milton Berle, and Lorna Luft is what Netflix is telling me. Milton's cameo is only a few seconds, but he's great. Lorna is the way less famous daughter of Judy Garland (half sister of Liza). She has a lovely voice, AND was Paulette in "Grease 2." Which, in many ways is way more fun that Grease. Vivian is a big deal, popularizing a role in Guys and Dolls back in the day. Was in a few WWII-era movies as well, AND a pinup in "Yank, The Army Weekly" during the war. So what did YOU do this weekend? Yard work?

80's Baby!

It's a marvel of medical science that I can wear glasses 1/4 the size of Jess's and STILL see just as well. Ahhhhh, medical progress! Now cure cancer, thanks.

The End

With Patty in critical condition and Barry off the hook for killing the mugger (Manny Farcas), Jess is struck by the randomness of the act. So she takes it up with Sargent so-and-so, a nice NYC stereotype. At least the accent fits. Jess does some casework and uncovers the mugger was obviously new at the whole, "stick 'em up" thing. What's more, she's convinced he is an actor. Back at the theatre, Mark carts in a new star to replace Patty, and the show seemingly goes on. Oh, and Grady has a new girlfriend. I would start a counter for that, but that would mean I'd have to watch all the episodes with Grady in them. So in other words, no.

Things take a turn for the worse when Rita tries to punch her own ticket. Jess makes it to her just in time. At the hospital, she has Grady dig up a list of credits for the dead-actor-mugger, her final lead. But it's too late, Rita "passes away" in the hospital. Jess invites Barry back to her hotel to "console" him. Instead, you guessed it, MSW set up time! Rita isint dead! But Barry doesnt know that, so he confesses. Barry was a producer on the mugger's last role, a deadly combination. Barry hired him to kill his sister in order to eliminate competition for the inheritance. He then drugged his mother, trying to make it LOOK like a suicide. But before he can off Jess (counter alertttt!), Rita appears and assures her son, the one who tried to kill her, that she really does love him. Now that's motherly love.

*Moment of silence for recently deceased Lynn Redgrave. A MSW fav. We loved you in, "A Dog's Life." RIP.

Season 3: Stage Struck

2010-05-02T21:06:00.000-07:00

This episode is a total nod to Angela Lansbury's extensive theater background, if nothing else. And we're treated to a little auditory flashback of the moment wherein Jessica met her late husband Frank Fletcher while painting some scenery...if ya know what I mean!

Synopsis
Jessica returns to the town where she and Frank met on the set of a summer stage production to meet up with old friends now starring in a new play. These once-married stars are frequently hounded by "the tabloids" due to their long and turbulent romantic history. When the leading lady suffers a breakdown, her understudy Barbara Bennington is more than willing to step in. Barbara only makes to the intermission of the first performance, struck down by a fatal dose of cyanide. Can Jessica ensure that the show will go on by solving this murder mystery?

Suspects

Maggie Tarrow -- leading lady and assumed to be the intended poison victim. Did she have a secret murderous grudge against her much younger understudy?

Julian Lord -- Maggie's ex-husband and current co-star, they were known as the dueling Lords for their constant fighting. The (ex) husband is always prime suspect in my book! "Justice Files" anyone?

Larry Matthews -- plays Maggie's husband in current stage production and linked romantically with her in a May-December type situation. Did he want to end the affair in a more permanent manner?

Alexander Preston -- producer, lost big money when Lords ditched a stage production 30 years prior. Did he decide it was time to get his revenge by killing Maggie?

Pru Mattson -- stage manager, did her liaison with Larry Matthews drive her into a jealous rage towards Maggie?

T.J. Holt -- pretending to be Barbara Bennington's fiancee while secretly working on a biography of the Lords. He has red hair just like Maggie. Hmmm. I have yet to see a redheaded man who was actually attractive. You?

Famous Actors
Well, one stood out right off the bat. I couldn't be a child of the 80's without fondly remembering Edward Mulhare (Julian Lord) as Devon Miles from "Knight Rider". And, of course, there's Donald Most (T.J. Holt)...Ralph Malph from "Happy Days".
I googled a few other folks who looked familiar. Turns out we're in some high caliber acting company here! Dan O’Herlihy (Alexander Preston) and Eleanor Parker (Maggie Tarrow) were both Academy Award nominees. I'm sure you're as thrilled about this as I am.

80's Baby
Pretty much everything that Barbara Bennington wore was 80's-tastic, from her permed hair to her shoulder-padded jumpsuits. Otherwise...read on.

The End?
A serious ending? Say it ain't so, Jessica! Nary a joke and freeze-frame laugh to end this episode. Turns out that Maggie and Julian had an illegitimate child 30 years prior. Despire his red hair, it wasn't T.J. Holt. We never discover the identity of this mysterious love child, but we do find out that Barbara was blackmailing Julian about it. Julian decided to kill her to keep the press from finding out about their big secret. Nowadays they'd just go on Oprah and get a cover shot on US Weekly, but I guess they came up with the "any publicity is good publicity" saying after the 80's.

Season 1: Sudden Death

2010-04-24T15:38:00.000-07:00

I always thought "Sudden Death" would be an awesome roller derby name. Don't steal it, I totally thought of it first. And no, we are not yet done with Season 1. MSW is prolific, if nothing else.

Synopsis

Jess's Uncle Cyrus kicks the can, leaving Jess his sole beneficiary. And what did he leave her? A pretty lame portfolio, which includes a complex mix of mortgage-based securities. Ha! Just kidding, if that were the case Jess would have signed away. Instead, the portfolio includes a football team, the Leopards. After some intense pressure from the owner, Phil Kruger, to sign away her shares, Jess get's interested. Zack, the star player, is out with an injury. But we're dealing with a young, pre-face lift Bruce Jenner, so he charms the pants (skirt?) off our Jess. He's the only one who doesn't offer to buy Jess's shares (the price reaches $150k!). After a rousing 80's party at Kruger's pad (a must-see, really) we next see Kruger floating in the team's soaking tub. Taking a bath. Ah, you caught me. Yeah, he's dead.

Suspects

Zach Ferrel-- Star player out with an injured shoulder. Since he couldn't play, Kruger wanted Zach off the gravy train. But not if Zach could throw HIM off first...

Mr. Dillon-- Equipment manager who Kruger threatened with dismissal. Had his stocks bought out by Kruger years ago and still holds a grudge. Did he also HOLD him underwater?

Wes McCord-- Talent manager for the Leapords who would have been able to take the team in a new direction if he could bring on new talent. But Kreuger wouldnt sell him shares, did Wes make the decision for him post-mortem?

Mr Lockwood-- Lawyer who tries to manipulate Jess into selling the portfolio. Without her signing her shares away, his retainer fee is nil. But with Kruger out of the picture, he might be able to charge the pants off the dead man. To which I say, TYPICAL lawyer!

Famous Actors

That wasn't fair of me. I know many non-blood sucking, nice-seeming lawyers. I blame Hollywood for these stereotypes. And, maybe their egos. Speaking of egos, Zach is played by Bruce Jenner, former Olympian and long-suffering stepfather of the Kardashians. I wish I had more to say, but I don't. Actually, revise that. I don't wish I had more to say. And how often does that happen? Also, we have legendary football linebacker Dick Butkus, one of those awesomely hilarious old-timey names like "Des Tol" or "Mike Italiano." Anyway, Dick wins the coolness competition hands-down, he's a pretty big deal. Unlike those seeking fame in soul-destroying, America-dumbing "reality" shows (I totally watch).

80's Baby!

There's a really great party scene where a fem-mullet in a purple, cowl-neck-shoulder-padded-sweater-dress gets tossed in a pool over pop synthesizer music. Rad! Jess even trips the light fantastic in a ruffled, red blouse/nighty combo (replete with pearls). We also have a nice scene with a carpeted bathroom.... ew.

The End

Lieutenant Clyde Pace is on the case, and with some urging from Jess, retrieves a gold watch from the bottom of the tub. It looks pretty damning when an engraving reveals the watch belongs to Zach. Jess believes in his innocence because he is the father of, "that nice deaf child." Deaf sounds so un-PC, but I'll let it slide. This time. Jess decides to investigate on his behalf, and gets herself neatly locked in the team's sauna with the heat jacked WAY up. Being a woman of a certain age, Jess is used to hot flashes, and barely breaks a sweat before getting rescued by Mr. Dillon.

After cooling off, she makes a stop over at Zach's house, and finds they'd been getting some threatening phone calls about their child. Apparently, they didn't adopt the child legally. But Jess let's them off easy, since they wanted the child, "really badly." Oh, well, THEN it's ok. Of note to Jess is the fact that they used Mr. Lockwood's legal expertise to procure the adoption.

Ok, I have to stop this for a second because we have a new counter alert. See to the right... Yes, Jess once AGAIN answers the door in her robe. Who does this? Anywho, Jess thinks Kruger was killed at the party and then moved. She finds her evidence in Kruger's wet bathroom (it's carpeted, remember?) and the photos taken at the party. Someone was wearing 2 different blazers...

Jess uses the old "dry cleaning" ploy to bring Wes McCourt back to the crime scene, the tub in Mr. Kruger's bathroom. Wes drowned him there, moved the body, and planted evidence implicating Zach. Just before Wes can, "burn the house down with you in it," (counter alert!) Lieutenant Pace jumps to the rescue. After neatly escaping being burned alive, Jess tugs the heartstrings when she gives her stock to Zach's little girl. Awwww! Scene.

Season 1: Capitol Offense

2010-04-18T17:46:00.000-07:00

I'm one of those folks doomed to google the word, "Capitol" to make sure I have it spelled right. And I'm not going to tell you what I do for a living, because that will make this a thousand times more embarrassing.

Synopsis

Awwww, DC in the 80's! How cute! Parties with corrupt congressman at the Watergate, booze clutched amorously in crystal classes, uptight women with french twists and pearls.... wait a minute, sounds a lot like... Just kidding, no one hangs out at the Watergate anymore. At this wild DC party, Congressman Joyner (D-ME) gets his ticket punched (heart attack to be exact) right before a crucial vote on a cannery bill. And GUESS where he's from? So the Governor of Maine picks Jessica to fill his seat on an interim basis. Now, I would have pooh-pooh this whole plot if it weren't for "Roland," and "Burris." So, refraining from comment, Jess heads off to DC (Mr. Speaker is wondering when she arrives!). But Detective Avery Mendelson is convinced Rep. Joyner was murdered, he enlists Jess's help in identifying the...

Suspects

Diana Simms- Admin for Rep. Fletcher! (Acting). Seems to have a strong opinion of that cannery bill, and a 'tude to match! But obviously, not a serious suspect because Admins can't do anything.

Joe Blindt- I'm just keeping up with DC stereotypes here! Don't shoot the messenger! Ok, Joe Blint is a, "Media Liaison Officer." I think they mean Press Secretary. Just let me be smarty pants on this episode, half the fun of living in DC is making fun of things like this. Joe wants Jess to vote JUST like Rep. Joyner, and discourages her taking this "man work" seriously. Welcome to DC Jess.

Rep. Dan Kempner (R-East Nowhere) I took liberties with the political affiliation. Read into it what you may. Kempner desperately wanted to speak with Rep. Joyner about his support for the cannery bill, and we ALL know how cranky these entitled, rich, white men get when someone doesnt support their bill (p.s. angry/murderous).

80's Baby

Oh look, you could drive in front of the White House, AND film in the Capitol. Ha. Ha! All things of the past my friends. Cross against the light these days and you'll answer to a yelly-MCyellerson Capitol Policeman (true story). Let's see, what else. Smoking in the office. Also, during Jess's first committee hearing, she makes this observation, "If his testimony is written down, why are we waisting our time listening to it?" I am unhappy to report to you that,

NOTHING HAS CHANGED in this respect. That is all.

Famous Actors

The DC gossip columnist has certainly been in her share of MSW's, and that also goes for Jess's fearless admin. But alas, they remain nameless because I am, at my core, hopelessly lazy.

The End?

Jess cuts major swath unveiling the "complicated issues" involved in the cannery bill. She then agrees to meet Rep Kempner for breakfast to discuss the legislation, but he never shows. Not only does he not show, he gets picked up the next day for murdering a young journalist! He throws himself at the mercy of our new Representative from Maine. Jess believes his story of "not remembering a thing" because he's an alcoholic (?). Jess does her digging, and links the murdered woman with her Admin, Diana Simms! But that lead ends when it appears that Diana simply warned her friend about falling in with a bad crowd. Jess is at loose ends, until a DC gossip columnist tips about a jilted boyfriend looking to get even with our young murder victim.

And WHO is the jilted boyfriend? Why none other than Joe Blindt. Joe employed our murder vicitm to spy on Rep. Kempner. She got greedy, he ended the "relationship." Doesnt all add up? What can I tell you, it's a classic DC story.

Season 1: Death Takes a Curtain Call

2010-03-21T14:48:00.000-07:00

Bad Russian accents galore on today’s MSW epi. Actually, even when I hear real Russians talk it sounds like they are putting me on. So maybe that’s really how they sound. Alright, enough jibber jabber, let’s DO IT!

Synopsis

The Russian ballet has come to Boston, and Jess is planning on attending, despite the fact that anti-Russian “no Red culture here!” protests have plagued the production. But Jess isn’t buying that McCarthyism flim flam. And I’m not buying that these are real ballerinas, they are all far too fat. Just kidding! OMG these accents! It’s, “killing me.”

:)

It doesnt help that they add on Iron-Chef-like florid dialogue, “You dance like a flower petals in the wind Natalia!” This lovely missive comes from Irene, friend to both Natalia and Alexander, our dancing stars. But there is something decidedly amiss at the Boston ballet. For one, Jess’ companion, Leo Peterson, is acting darn near strange throughout the entire performance. Add in a bunch of KGB agents doing, what MSW assumes KGB agents do, stalk around with ear buds and look sinister. At the end of the dance, Alexander and Natalia are missing. And OH guess what! KGB agent, Serge Beretsky (madeupRussianspelling) is found dead in their dressing room. And they are obviously guilty, as they are Russian.

Suspects

Sorry about that, but it’s so easy to poke fun at MSW stereotypes. I’m half Russian if that makes it any better. Just kidding, I’m totally not.

Major Karsov— KGB security, who was the first to find our dancers missing, and Agent Beretsky dead. He has a handy theory on who killed Beretsky. And it’s not him. Anyways, first on the scene, first suspect. That’s just how it is.

Velma Roedecker— “Neurotic anti-communist” who likes protesting things like Russian ballets, and attacked Beretsky the night of his murder by slapping him around a bit. She claimed she didn’t kill him though. Convinced?

Irene Molotov— Just kidding on that last name, I didn’t feel like butchering another one. This fellow dancer makes serious, “I LOVE YOU” eyes at Alexander, and reserves very different eyes (also known as “stink”) for his lady love, Natalia. Was Natalia the intended victim when she entered their dressing room that night?

Famous Actors

I’m sure there were, in a very loose sense of the phrase, but they weren’t listed on the Netflix website. Hence, they do not appear here. I did think of reading about Russian social life during the 80’s on Wiki but then thought the better of it. Maybe later.

80's Baby

The accents are so distracting I wasn’t able to dial down on the bad 80’s fashion. There is some Rocky Horror-esque makeup used on Alexander. Their version of stage makeup, apparently. This made me think of how awesome that movie is, “In just 7 days, I can make you a Maaaaaa a a a aaaaan!” So great.

The End?

Jess postulates that the Ruskie dancers were planning to defect to good old ‘merica. And really, Russia in the 80’s, who wouldn’t? This really isin’t such a brilliant deduction on her part. Her ballet companion, Leo Peterson, is Natalia’s long-lost Uncle, and arranged their defection himself. Trusting in their innocence, Jess decides to do some detecting of her own. She worms her way into the police station to tell a KGB agent, along with someone from the FBI, what all the pieces of evidence mean (the dancer's innocence of course). It’s clear that Major Karosv and the KGB are hot on her trail, so she hides the “Ruskie toe dancers” (Sheriff Tupper’s words), in Cabot Cove, working as very convincing boat hands.

Remember Velma, the crazy protestor? Well she gets arrested, and Jess gets antsy, so she decides to check up on the Ruskies hidden in her hometown. Because they’ll be hungry and need some dinner. But she hides them before dinner can start, so a FBI agent can come in and bug Jess’s telephone. Obviously, he is in disguise. But after he leaves, Jess debunks his story with a little Maine know-how. Using the bugged phone to her advantage, she lures the love-sick Irene to Cabot Cove with an amorous phrase purportedly from Alexander. But she should know better, because Jess loves these little set ups. Sherriff Tupper and Major Karosv turn up just in time to watch Irene confess. Turns out she was in love with Alexander, and killed Beretsky before he could sound the alarm and ruin the escape.

Complaint: bad form MSW, introducing Irene as serious suspect über late in the game. Because of this, I forgive Irene for her killing ways. If only for the accent.

Season 1: We're Off to Kill the Wizard!

2010-03-14T13:03:00.000-07:00

Here we meet another niece of Jess’s, Ms. Donovan, who we never see again in all 12 seasons. And that’s really OK, because Ms. Donovan is Boooooring. With a capital B.

Synopsis

Jess is visiting Ms. Boringpants Niece when Michael Gardener lures her from Boringpant’s front lawn to a theme park in Chicago (stay with me, this epi suspends belief in numerous ways). It seems his employer, Horatio Baldwin, operates various theme parks throughout the country. The theme park is a cheesier take on Medieval Times. I spotted a codpiece. Horatio wants to create a “JB Fletcher Murder and Mayhem” theme park, and tries to sell the idea to Jess. “Violence pays” he tells her, “Disgraceful!” she parries back. Then he tries to lock her in his office using a remote locking device. Yeah, not the way to win JB over. He finally lets her out, and later that night becomes victim number 3… in the office chair death count!

Suspects

Carlson— Hmmm, no first name. Or a first name, and a lazy blogger who doesn’t want to rewind. Carlson was in line to be Vice President before Horatio kicked the inevitable MSW office-chair bucket. Did he throw a murderous hissy when Horatio denied him the position?

Mills Highlander— “Temper-headed Swede” (!) who has an angry confrontation with Horatio regarding safety violations. Apparently, Mr. Highlander’s name is on all the permits, hence the temper-headed Swede remark. I took offense, nah!

Laurie Baskum— Horatio’s Secretary, and suspect numero uno! For no real reason that I can see, other than she confesses… Did she snap like a pencil after taking one too many insults from Horatio?!

?????!!!!!

Famous Actors

James Coco plays Horatio, who has this written about him on his wiki page, “As an overweight and prematurely balding adult, he found himself relegated to character roles.” I mean ouch. Isn’t that somewhere along the lines of, “think, don’t say.” There’s also a Christy Brinkleyesque actor who I can’t place, but I’ve seen in numerous baby stealing/adulterous affair gone wrong/my-husband-wants-me-dead Lifetime movies.

80's Baby

Jess shows up 10 minutes before her airplane flight.

!

That about closes this section out.

The End?

Horatio died via a blow to the head, but it’s a mystery how anyone could have murdered a man in a locked room. Jess can't figure it out, so she takes a jog. Things don’t get interesting (minus the jog) until Horatio’s bereaved widow kidnaps Jess at the airport and convinces her to solve the crime. She agrees, and returns to her niece’s house to find… Laurie! Laurie confesses that she was the last person to see Horatio alive. Apparently, she was being blackmailed, for what we never find out. I’m thinking with that female tie and collar up-to-here, it had something to do with S&M swinger parties. That’s my guess anyways. So she confesses to being, “mad enough to kill” Horatio, but of course she didn’t. So let’s move on.

Jess believes the key lies in Horatio's office, and finds a little hiding space in Horatio’s desk. A convenient place to hide your blackmailing documents? The files turn up, along with some scandalous secrets about Horatio’s employees. I would have loved to hear them all, but Jess is classy like that.

Oh, and someone else dies. It is (or was, rather) Horatio’s business manager, the person in charge of finding out secrets for Horatio. This apparently doesn’t frazzle Jess much, because she’s back in Horatio’s office sleuthing about the phone system the next morning. Apparently, what she finds is significant, because she wants Carlson to come on down and meet her in the amusement park.

Carlson turns up; confident he found the last piece of blackmail Horatio had on him. Before he turns to leave, Jess corners him. Turns out Carlson killed Horatio after he reneged on his claim to make him a Vice President. Through the illusion of “call forwarding,” he was able to convince the cops that no one was in the room at the time. I’m really not making this up, you might have to watch this one just so I can say, “I told you so.” So he pulls a gun on JB (counter alert!), thinking, “what’s one more murder.” Well, its Jess’s reflection he shoots. And behind him is the real Jess, along with the cops. I’m afraid YOUR time is up, Carlson.

Season 1: Hooray for Homicide!

2010-03-07T18:48:00.000-08:00

Academy Awhowhatsit? No, Sunday nights belong to Murder She Wrote. I don’t care what Mariah Carey is (or is not) wearing, and I don’t have a high tolerance for ego mongering, back slapping or pained, extended periods of clapping.

Synopsis

A major movie is in the works for one of Jess’s books. Bad-boy producer Jerry Lidecker (I’m a phonetic speller folks) has the ropes. He is planning a scene where, “a psychotic killer uses a flamethrower on a group of break dancers.” Honestly, no Oscar speech can top this folks, it can’t even try. So they are botching her classic, “The Corpse Danced at Midnight” and honestly, the title kind of lends itself towards the Evil Dead spectrum (by no means a bad thing). So Hollywood is in Jess’s future. She has a reputation to protect, and darn gosh it, she’s going to fight this thing with every last…

Dude, she gets the lamest lawyer, a junior member of the firm. Also, I just noticed that Jess answers the door in her robe a lot. Just a note. So the lame lawyer tells Jess she signed her rights away in her first book contract. She must have been distracted by her handsome, murderous first publisher (see The Murder of Sherlock Holmes below). But OH, before she can “apologize” for accusing Jerry of flimflamming her book (?) she finds him dead on set. Hit over the head with a heavy metal urn! It looks more like a flower pot to me.

Suspects

Marta Quintessa—Costume director who sports all things romper the entire episode. It’s stunning. Anyway, she was in cahoots with Jerry before his new young thing, Eve, moved in. Did she fall into ye old, “If I cant have you” cliché?

Ross Haley—Desperate-for-a-hit director of the picture. Notes that, “suspects should form a double line” in light of Jerry’s death. Sorry, we don’t have time for that.

Eve Crystal—Flighty, silly, adulterous movie star. Color me SHOCKED. Jerry threatened to can her after uncovering her infidelities. And in MSW land, we all kill our bosses after they threaten to fire us.

Alan Gephart—Screenwriter, former alkie, fired by the murder victim the day before he croaked. Did he hit the sauce afterwards and end Jerry’s life?

Famous Actors
OMG! John Saxon from Enter the Dragon! You can keep your "Hurt Locker" because this is the best movie…

Of.

All.

Freaking.

Time.

And you know what, if you don’t know what “Enter the Dragon” is. Or if the phrase, “The Forbidden Island of Han” doesn’t mean anything to you. Get off this blog. NOW.

There’s also John Astin from a few awesome things, but he definitely comes after Saxton in terms of my Guest Star Excitement Factor, otherwise known as GSEF.

80's Baby
Coral romper alert! I counted a few rompers in this, one worn by the supposed costume director. I call shenanigans.

The End?
Jess notices an elaborate gold button at the crime scene, but before she can snatch it, it disappears. Weird. She offers to help our star-struck Lieutenant Hernandez, investigating the crime. Hernandez leaves it to Jess to break the news to Jerry’s plaything, Eve Crystal. She finds Eve boozed up at Jerry’s beach house, giggling. Lucky for me, Jess doesn’t find it amusing either, and throws her in a cold shower. Dry mullet, wet mullet. After she's sobered up, Jess beaks the news. A truly Oscar-worthy grieving scene BTW.

So back on the movie set, they are rehearsing a neon cemetery dance number (very Thriller-esque). Which seems odd, because Jess has the production schedule and another scene was set to film… But before she can investigate things she gets arrested for murder. Of course Hernandez doesn’t book her. Instead, he challenges her to clear herself. Jess is supposedly banned from the lot, but apparently all she needs is a big hat and she’s in like flint. So she views the footage Jerry watched before he croaked, proof of Eve’s infidelity (it’s just kissing folks, this IS MSW…).

Jess just can’t let go of that scene change, and complements her way to seeing the original costumes, the purported reason for the change. One’s missing. Hmmmm. She tracks down original costume (a drummer outfit, I believe) in Eve’s trailer, but gets knocked down by Ross Haley. Oh look, the cops are conveniently there…and… oh look! They find the gold button on Ross Haley. Seems he was desperately trying the pin the damming evidence on Eve.

Seems and open and shut case for Lieutenant Hernandez. But Jess has some far flung medical evidence for how Eve isn’t a drinker, which I totally would have suspected because no one EVER sobers up after a “cold shower.” I mean come on. Eve was wearing the costume that night, got into a fight with Jerry over her infidelities, and lost the button during the murder. “I sure can pick ‘em” she moans to Jess. Cue Jess's sad, mournful face, and scene!

Season 1: The Murder of Sherlock Holmes

2010-02-28T16:38:00.000-08:00

Here we have the obligatory pilot episode, and really, after seeing this baby it’s no wonder they promptly ordered 12 seasons. There’s peppier theme music, if that’s even humanly possible, along with biking AND jogging AND house painting and every other busy body activity you can possibly conceive of. And yes, we meet Grady.

Synopsis

Grady is an accountant in NYC, and judging from his apartment, let’s just say Cumo would have been interested in those balance sheets. Anywho, Grady is Jess’s long suffering nephew, he appears in countless epis and you either love him or you refuse to review any episodes which feature him. Ahem. Grady calls his aunt to give her the good news, he gave her manuscript to a big wig in NYC and she’s now a famous writer. Yes, it’s really that easy (Kitten take note). So she’s off to NYC for a world wind tour. The tour doesn’t go so well, and it’s hard to watch our small town girl take insults from NYC stereotypes. So to cheer her up, her publisher, Preston Giles, invites her to his estate for the weekend. A costume party ensues, bad jokes are exchanged, and Jess comes dressed as the good fairy from Wizard of Oz. I was never a fan, so don’t ask me her name. Starts with a “G” I think. So GUESS who get’s murdered? Yes, a fella dressed as Sherlock Holmes. What an ingenious mind you have my dear Watson.

Suspects

Ashley Vickers— Had a torrid affair (or as one character phrased it “practicing indoor Olympics”) with Caleb McCallum, aka Sherlock Holmes. He took up with another young chicky and Ashley didn’t likey. Didn’t likey enough to MURDER? Well, we just don’t know. Not yet.

Preston Giles— Dapper, grey haired, expertly dressed publisher. Irresistible to any woman over 50! On second thought… no, definitely 50. Jess really likes him, which makes him a REALLY good suspect since everyone Jess tries to fall in love with ends up being the killer. Her late husband Frank’s vengeance!?!

Louise Mcallum— Wife of Sherlock (why confuse you with REAL names?) and resident drunk. Was driving from the party erratically, dressed as that timeless sorority Halloween classic, the flapper. She was fed up with Sherlocks’ affairs, did she end his life after a good puke and a glass of Gatorade?

Peter Brill— NYC playwright. Dressed, ironically I’m sure, as Mozart on the night of the party. It’s pretty clear he’s broke, so how is it he put on an off Broadway show? Yeah, I’m stretching on this one. Soooo what.

Famous Actors

“Squeallllll like a pigggggg!” Oh my, Ned Beatty, it’s hard to ID you without those tighty whiteys. MSW is a much better place for you Ned, stay here.

80's Baby

Right off the bat, there is a truly stunning perm/mullet. I even paused and studied it. Yeah, I really have nothing more to say. Also, before Jess heads to NYC she endures a Cabot Cove makeover, complete with “barber pole” (her word) long sleeved, red and white diagonal striped evening dress (!). There’s also smoking indoors, an activity we all know results in death, destruction, mayhem and Godzilla.

The End?

So the guy found dead in the Sherlock garb wasn’t the one wearing the costume that night. The intended victim is a seafood magnate named Caleb Mcallum. So the poor schlub that got killed was a private detective. So of course, Grady himself arrested, like he does in nearly EVERY episode. Things start moving fast after that, Jess decides to search Ashley’s office, overheads a suspicions conversation, trails Ashley, then gets mugged in NYC where she gets rescued by a kindly fan. NYC looks like a PRETTY scary place in the 80’s. Switchblades, the whole bit.

The next day, Jess bravely returns to the scene of her mugging, and OH look, a NYC theatre where a Peter Brill is trying to get his play off the ground. Turns out Ashley was going to meet Peter that night, they were in cahoots so Ashley could cook up some jealousy with Caleb. Which, let me tell you, always works. So that’s a dead end. Or maybe a dead…. Boat! Ok, that didn’t work. But Caleb is found dead on his boat, wrapped up in the sail. This time the cops are focused on Louise, and we all know whomever the bumbling cops arrest is never the real murderer. So now at this point you basically know who the killer is… But let’s pretend you're silly, and you don’t.

So now they have Louise in the slammer, Jess prepares to take off, but not after… she makes out with Preston! OMG! Just kidding, they just kiss. Our girl has fallen hard, and even though it’s, “moving too fast for a widow”, Preston is willing to wait. Snort. But Jess can't leave, something’s just not right. She goes back (all the way back) to the scene of the crime to uncover… a creepy looking Preston telling her everyone is long gone for the night. Gulp. But she can’t help herself; she lays out her cold, hard evidence. Preston finally confesses, acknowledging that he killed the private eye after he threatened blackmail (our dapper Preston is a runaway convict). Apparently, he offed Caleb to divert suspicion. So JUST when we think Preston going to drown our Jess in the pool, the episode ends. Like I said, order me 12 more seasons, thankyouverymuch.

Season 1: Deadly Lady

2010-02-21T18:30:00.000-08:00

You know, I was kind of down on the fact that it’s Sunday night and I have to work tomorrow. But as soon as that MSW theme song started boy, I was transported to good old Cabot Cove! Where there are no such things as “commuting” and “delays on the yellow line.” Anyway, we have some Jess jogging in this, along with a "Madly in Love with Jess" incident. He dies but I’m going to count him anyway. Just 'cause I like him. My blog, my rules. There’s also a really touching scene where Jess gives this new crush her dear Frank’s pipe. Sniff.

Synopsis

New to Cabot Cove, Ralph has been “hobo-ing” it for as long as he can remember. All it takes is some hedge trimming and Jess invites him in for breakfast. She then leaves him unaccompanied while investigating a murder down at the dock. Friendly town, eh?

After last night’s “Deadly Lady” (this is ocean-people speak for a bad storm), cosmetics CEO Stephen Earl has gone missing on his boat. But he wasn’t alone! It seems his 4 daughters were also on board, claiming he was swept overboard. Jess charms the girls as best she can, “love that knit sweater!” but they seem pretty oblique about what went on that night. There's no dead body yet, but that's never stopped Jess before.

Suspects

Nancy Earl— “It’s Nan!” She cries to everyone. She's the bratty (youngest) *cough* sister. Declares that “none” of the Earl Sisters are sad he’s dead. Yeah, when your child says that you’ve pretty much failed. But no one ever listens to the youngest sister, so let’s move on.

Terry Jones— Ex-fiancé of Nancy’s (It’s Nan!) who Stephen never liked. Shows up right after daddy is found missing. Is he looking for a quick paycheck vis-a-vis his betrothed's inheritence?

Maggie Earl— Denies the “swept overboard” story ever took place, and admits to killing dad Stephen with a gun. But DO we believe her? Jess has her suspicions.

Lisa Earl Shelby— The “tactless” sister. I won’t assume birth order on this one, tactlessness is up for grabs. Anyways, married to a nasty rich husband who also happens (this might shock you) to really like money and his wife’s inheritance. Would he kill daddy in law for it?

Grace Earl- Knew the exact location of the boat in the middle of the storm. Unfortunately, this puts them RIGHT in the eye of the storm (go Jess!). Why all the lies Grace?

Famous Actors

Zip! Nada! Nil! Which is kind of sad, because looking up old movies stars up on wiki is fun, yet semi-exhausting.

80's Baby

Other than a pair of baby pink, peep toe “pumps,” nothing much to write home about. Although, Nancy exhibits the most gigantic cream blazer. Miami Vice blushes.

The End?

Jess decides Ralph, the “hobo,” and Stephen, the wealthy cosmetics CEO, are one and the same. She figures this out from the obituary photo, but of course everyone thinks she’s crazy. Think lots of New Englander “you are crazier than a…” sayings. So the body is found, and Jess thinks the girls are hiding something. But which one? With all this blue eyeliner it’s truly hard to tell.

When the body of Ralph/Stephen rolls up on the shore, its pretty obvious he didn’t die on the boat that night. Dead people don’t eat eggs and flirt outrageously with Jessica Fletcher. Under pressure (not really), Maggie admits that her dad came up with the scheme to show Nancy what a low-down-good-for-nothing ex-fiancé she has. It’s really silly, but what’s new.

Jess turns her attention to Terry (the ex), who admits that the scheme brought him to Nancy’s side, but not for inheritance reasons. It’s not until Nancy’s (NAN’S!) shoes are found near the beach where Stephen’s body rolled up, that Jess arranges a little MSW set up… After Nan (see, I finally got it) is conveniently arrested, Jess casually informs the Earl Sisters, and then goes to bed. But not without mentioning her intent to, “sleep in late.”

Well, the murder doesn’t know our Jess, early to rise you know, and well if it isn’t Maggie Earl breaking into Jess’s house late at night! Sidenote: She probably could have just opened the door, but I digress. Jess knows Maggie set up Nan as the obvious scapegoat for their father's murder. Which is a pretty shitty thing to do to your sister. I mean stealing a top now and then, fine, but framing them for murder? Yeah, that’s a non-starter. Maggie hated her father, and knew their obvious “fake” murder would be the perfect cover up for a real one. She tries to threaten Jess (new counter alert) but alas, our useless Sherriff Tupper was listening to her confession on the phone. Insert joke about Jess having 9 lives here.

Season 1: It’s a Dog’s Life

2010-02-11T13:08:00.000-08:00

It may or may not be a personal goal of mine to identify every episode featured in the MSW intro. Ok, moving on. One of the old “the dog gets everything” murder mysteries. This, contrary to my skepticism, has happened upon occasion. Anyways, I put off reviewing this one because it tries even my silliness quotient.

Synopsis

Denton Langley is a white-haired lothario who likes himself a good fox hunt. He also has eyes for our Jess, but doesn’t make the “Madly in Love with Jess” count because he dies. New rule I made up. Ok, now that I ruined it, Denton dies during a fox hunt. Karma! Or the result of a poisoned horse and a nasty fall. So Jess is at the scene because she is cousins with Abbey, a trainer Denton keeps employed on his property, Langley Manor. Abbey trains and takes care of all the animals, including Teddy, Denton’s beloved beagle. And it’s Teddy who gets everything once the will is revealed. All of Denton Langley’s relatives are hopping mad! But they really get angry when Trish Langley gets her melon crushed by the gate to the Langley estate. Who pushed the button?

Suspects

Teddy—Haaa, Beagles don’t kill people! Unless they have rabies. Anyway, someone trained Teddy to push the button to the gate, so we can’t really hold him responsible. But still, bad dog!

Abbey Freestone—Jess’s cousin from jolly old England! (We need a family tree up in this piece). She trains all the animals Denton owns. Owned, I guess. Her access to the animals is pretty damming, especially when they all start going crazy, pushing buttons on gates that crush people’s heads and stuff.

Spencer Langley — Pompous son, in debt up to his eye balls. Tries to make us all believe a beagle viciously attacked him. So not the brightest bulb. Were his debts motive enough for murder?

Marcus Boswell– Denton’s lawyer, enforces the “Teddy gets everything” will at all costs. Seems to be in a bit of a money crunch, hence very incessant calls from his broker. But what could he stand to gain from dear Trish’s death?

Famous Actors

Lynn Redgrave, who starred in a movie called “The Happy Hooker.” It’s the first picture that comes up on her wiki page. Random. Ok well if you are new to things, you won’t realize that Lynn comes from a family of actors. All trained in both theatre and film. Apparently her latest role is “Drunken Lady at Ball” in “Confessions of a Shopaholic.” Ouch. Still, Academy Award nominee and Golden Globe winner, when’s the last time that happened to YOU?

80's Baby

“The latest in will technology” is a videotape of Denton talking to the camera by a roaring fire (in an office chair!). Remember when your favorite video tape got ruined. That was so sad, you were like, "Noooo! Come back to life, strange video tape guts!" Anyways, beyond the usual, that’s about it.

The End?

Jess is convinced someone trained Teddy to push that button. But she hits the teapot before doing anything. You know, tea first. Marcus Boswell comes in with a quite a grease spot on his trouser leg (Jess has something for the stain but he doesn’t take her up on it). Boswell goes off to accuse each of the relatives of training the dog, but Jess has a better idea. Why not inform everyone of what she thinks happened? So basically, her theory is someone was impersonating Trish. Once the security guard opened the gate and went out to help her in, the imposter put the already-dead Trish in place. I’m not really sure why, I’m just telling you what happened.

Jessica’s theory gaining traction, despite the fact she just told her suspect she… er… suspects him, she decides to up the ante. In a pseudo-legal public forum (say it 3 times fassssst), Jess displays that Teddy is responding to a specific bird call. Think, “Tweeet, Tweet!” Anywho, she fingers Marcus Boswell as the Teddy-trainer. Apparently, he coaxed Trish to drug Denton’s horse, promising her riches once she inherits. Once Trish saw the tape and realized she wouldn't get anything, Marcus feared she would talk. Remember that grease stain? Evidence of moonlight bicycle riding when Marcus came to Langley Manor to murder Trish. It’s all very damning; especially when Marcus collapses in tears (Jess has that effect). We end with Teddy, as happy as any Beagle freed from jail would be. Yes, he was held in jail. Oh MSW!

Season 1: Lovers and Other Killers

2010-02-10T14:05:00.000-08:00

You know, if this snow keeps up I’m going to make quick work of all 12 seasons. Ok, still snowing. Onward!

This is one of my all time favorite epis, because it involves a handsome young man with an unyielding attraction to Jess, and the ending is DARK, very dark. Ok maybe not that dark. MSW dark.

Synopsis

Jessica is in Seattle, visiting her friend Dr. Edmund Gerard for a university lecture (her first!). She arrives off the plane alongside two Chinese nuns, holding a baby…. Yeah I have no words. Anyway, back at the university she meets Amelia, Dr Gerard’s secretary. Jess is in need of a secretary of her own, and Amelia hooks her up with handsome David Tolliver (replete with dimples). David is hired, and takes Jess out for a night on the town. The romantic night is ruined, however, when Lieutenant Andrews meets them in the lobby. Apparently, David is wanted in connection with the murder of a mature, rich woman by the name of Allison Bervard. Ignoring the obvious, Jess comes to the aid of her young secretary. Personally, I learned the lesson about very handsome, seemingly perfect men and “the truth” in college. But we all have our learning curves.

But we aren’t done with the murders. Jess gets a call from Lilia, a student with a shady reputation. After Jess meets her in an abandoned warehouse, she barely croaks out a few works before collapsing dead. After David is released from questioning, he divulges that they were lovers, together on the night of Bervard’s murder. This provides him with an oh-so-convenient alibi, which Jess is eager to accept. While Jess nurses her crush (it’s hard out there for a widow), here are our…

Suspects

Amelia— Dr Gerard’s secretary (you know the drill, the help do not get last names), nursing a very strong crush toward her employer. And in MSW land, women in love are the equivalent of a locked-and-loaded automatic!

David Tolliver— Grad student turned Jessica’s secretary. Tells Jess he just can’t STAND women his age, then gently strokes her hand. God I love this episode. Anyway, he is undeniably creepy, and seems to have more extra cash on hand than your average grad student. But does creepiness + money always = murder? (yes!?)

Todd Lowrey—Fellow professor who spends his time boinking students, including the resident slut (really, there is no other term for how this character is played), Lila Schroeder. He’s married, a secret which Lila may or may not have found out about. Would he kill her in order to keep things a secret?

Lilia Schroeder—Makes threatening calls to Jess in order to clear David’s name. Tries to wear an outfit virtually identical to that portrayed in the famous Farrah Fawcett poster. Tries, does not succeed. As a former conquest of David’s, was she driven mad by jealousy to murder her rival, Allison Bervard?

Famous Actors

Peter Graves, and the only reason I know this is because he is listed as “guest star.” Anyway, he has a “Mission Impossible” connection to another famous guest star, Martin Landau. Graves also starred in a variety of movies skewered by MST3K. Best. Show. Ever.

80's Baby

Evening gowns that look like your grandma’s nighty! Only in the 80’s my friend. Also, THESE days we call “Secretaries” Administrative Assistants. Massive fail on the PC side of things MSW...

The End?

In Jess’s guest lecture, she lets the students play, “Plan a Murder” (this is a far cry from my Russian Literature class, just sayin). She puts Professor Lowrey in the hot seat, and determines he was with his wife at the time of Lila’s murder. Back at the hotel, Jess finds a note from David on the fridge. Yes, the fridge, the first place we all look. This directs Jess to an “urgent” meeting with Professor Lowrey. Jess heads to the meeting, finding an “out of order” sign on the elevator (a nod to Agatha Christie’s “Towards Zero”). Having not read that classic, Jess slowly climbs the stairs. Which sucks because when she reaches the top she gets pushed RIGHT back down again. She also falls really slowly, which made me think Jess did her own stunt, but on rewind it’s clearly a body double. Oh well. David conveniently comes to her rescue.

So at the hospital Dr. Gerrard confesses that Lila was with HIM on the night of Allison Bervard’s murder (geez Lila, just… geez). This means David’s alibi is once again suspect. So Dr. Gerrand and Lila spent the night together, but were almost run off the road by a very specific type of car. Then Lieutenant Andrews shows up saying David is off the hook for Bervard’s murder, apparently deemed a jewel-theft gone wrong. The pieces are falling together, and when David shows up in her hotel unannounced, Jess really lets him have it. Kind of. Jess is convinced all this love triangle twaddle is at the heart of things, and makes a visit to our sweet secretary, Amelia. One quick MSW set up later, she unravels the truth. It was Amelia’s car that nearly ran the lovers off the road (it was specific, remember?). Amelia was wild, mad with jealousy! As mad as a woman who wears a female tie can be! Whew, this one is long. Anyway, Amelia was behind the calls luring Jess to her slow stair fall.

But we don’t end with Amelia, we end with David at the airport (blissfully pre-9/11). David divulges his feelings, he is “enormously attracted” to Jessica, “drawn to mature women!” But Jess is done with the sweet talking. She’s wised up, learned her college lesson. “Who will I be in your next book? A killer, suspect?” He asks her, turning on that boyish charm. “I don’t know, I haven’t made up my mind yet.” OH! Snap. We end with a very steely look from David. MSW dark, told ya.

Season 1: Birds of a Feather

2010-02-09T13:58:00.000-08:00

There’s a lot of dog barking early in this episode, which set my Chihuahua off for the rest of the day. Thanks MSW. Now she’s growling at my purse.

Anyways, what we have here is a drag queen murder mystery set in San Francisco. Proving that our writers have a predictable, if limited, sense of humor. Also, this epi features a death-in-office-chair, bringing the official count to 2.

Synopsis

Vicki is Jess’ favorite niece, and we ALL know no one else ever earned that distinction, right? Vicki is marrying Howard, a sensible young man who never seems to be around when Vicki needs him… “You know Vicki, it’s not abnormal to have last minute doubts” Jess offers. So apparently, Howard is lying about everything, staying out late and stinking like perfume. “Maybe he wears cologne!” Jess suggests, continuing to dig that hole deeper. Then she recommends that Vicki spy on Howard. I love all this advice, our Jess is so devious.

This leads them to a dinner-and-a-show establishment owned by Al Drake. Vicki name drops to get them a table. And you know the name, don’t play coy with me. So the famous Jessica Fletcher nabs a table, even if it isn’t up to her standards (insert joke about similarity to my mother here). Jess finds something “strange” about the place. Could it be, I don’t know, the plastic flamingos surrounding the stage? The copious use of ferns throughout the entire club? The lip-synching drag queen? Before she can put her finger on it, out comes drag queen Howard (not to be confused by the drag queen singing), fleeing the scene of a murder. Al Drake has been shot! And Howard was found fleeing the scene. The End.

Ha! Just kidding, line them up!

Suspects

Howard Griffen— Vicki’s finance, doing a drag show on the side to make some extra money, hence all the secrecy. He came to tell Al he was done with his double life, picked up the gun (?) and found him dead. Likely story, but Jess seems to believe him.

Ms. Drake— Estranged wife of Al, carrying on with Michael (or Michelle), our drag singer. Classic Dynasty bad-girl here, dramatic eye shadow, white furs, the works. Now that Al is dead, she is in charge of the club, and seems a bit too happy to make some changes…

Michael (Michelle)DuPont —Headlining drag singer, was trying to buy the club from Mr. Drake. Carrying on with Ms. Drake. Money and women, two essential ingredients in the stew of murder!

Freddy York— Truly horrendous, and I mean horrendous, stand up comedian. He’s up there with a drum kit and everything. Apparently, he’s done SO well for himself he’s trying to get out of a contract he had with Al. But was he desperate enough to KILL?

Famous Actors

Martian Landau, who was in so many freaking movies and TV shows it boggles the mind. He looks really good here, and out-acts virtually the entire cast.

Jeff Conway, formerly known as Kenickie and, more recently, the Celebrity Rehab bad boy. It’s actually kind of sad seeing him so young and virile. You can keep your “Danny,” give me Kenickie any day!

80's Baby

Puffy buns on the women, white suits (with vest) for the men. There is an order for “white wine” at a restaurant, which I’m sure was how people ordered wine back then. Who knows, maybe they still do. This is the second time I’ve seen a cranberry blouse/white suit combo. Come on folks, “light with light/dark with dark!”

The End?

Lieutenant Floyd Novak (our surly San Fran cop) agrees to works with Jess, but only after she threatens to expose his ineptitude on “national television.” Go Jess, go! The gun came from a pawn shop in NYC, where Howard is from. Apparently, this is damming evidence because Jess shakes her head and looks pensive. Once the time of death is established, it’s pretty clear that Howard is innocent.

Jess makes her rounds in the club, finding the lack of pillow in Freddy’s room suspicious for no obvious reason that I can see. Things start falling into place when they realize a gun shot would have been heard from the stage, but before anyone can draw a conclusion, a stage light comes CRASHING DOWN AT THEM! Jess seems to avoid this by leaning backwards a smidge, but Freddy gets knocked off the stage and hurts his neck. The rope was, of course, eaten through by acid. How else would one stage such a devious plot?

But before we can explore those possibilities, first things first, Jess needs a nap. She pulls the pillow up beside her head and… ah yes, the pillow. The missing pillow in Freddy’s office! “Sun faded, like the couch” simpers Jess. She confronts Freddy and the truth comes out. He wanted out of his contract with Al. After his drum set, he snuck into Al’s office and used the pillow to muffle the fatal gun shot. We end with a truly corny joke from our killer, Freddy York, and a happy wedding ceremony for Vicki and Howard. Jess celebrates with a peck on the cheek for the happy couple. A killer found, a niece wed, just another day in the life.

Season 1: Death Casts a Spell

2010-02-06T13:20:00.000-08:00

A hypnotist is murdered, found in a locked hotel room of hypnotized reporters. No one remembers a thing. Jess goes for a jog in this episode, gets hypnotized, and jumps on the back of a motorcycle to chase a suspect. Just another classic episode of MSW!

Synopsis

Calistro is a famous hypnotist who has beautiful young blondes “completely under his spell.” This, admittedly, makes him an unpopular fellow. Especially when people’s wives and dignity are concerned. So Joe, the owner of the hotel in Lake Tahoe where Calistro performs, (and the husband of a blonde done wrong) wants him out! There’s bad blood, a giant tub of hotel silverware is knocked over, and I just can’t get over the fact that hotels used to put this sort of entertainment on stage. Thank god for DVR. Jess is visiting said hotel under the guise of meeting her editor. Instead of finding her editor, Joan meets her. This ambitious copy editor wants to pitch a new book to our famous author. She should have saved herself the trip, Jess sees through these schemes like moms hear swear words. It’s not until Calistro arranges for a hypnotist session with a group of reporters that things turn… murderous! He is found dead in his hotel room, stabbed in the back. The reporters invited to his session are all hypnotized, no one witnessed the crime. “I understand you were outside when the murder took place Ms. Fletcher,” our Lieutenant says. Fella, you have NO idea…

Suspects

Sherry Diamond—Former Vegas stripper (on a trapeze, this is important later... promise). She admits that Calistro was often hard to work with. After an elaborate set up, we find out that Ms. Diamond is pretty scared of heights, an inconvenient phobia for a trapeze artist.

Joe Caligen—Angry boss-man-hotel-owner, held a grudge against Calistro for making his wife do some very silly things under hypnosis. Reminds me of the actor from “Elf” and “Misery.”

Gina Caligen-- I’m just making up this spelling, BTW. They often get fanciful with naming these side characters. Gina gets manhandled by Joe after Calistro makes her look silly on stage. Then she’s later roughed up by Joe’s henchmen. Me thinks a quickie divorce and restraining order is the way to go here, but Gina seems stuck in a no-win situation. Jess catches her making a cash payment to one of Joe’s henchmen (this is after Jess jumps on a motorcycle in hot pursuit), a pay off for a successful hit?

Bud Michaels—Washed up journalist. Held a grudge against Calistro after some previous run-ins over libel articles in jolly old England. Pretended to be drunk the night of the demonstration (I have no idea how Jess knows this), and was conveniently elsewhere at the time. Was he in the hotel room, murdering his old nemesis?

Andy Townsend—Tabloid journalist. Or so he says! He certainly didn’t respond to that name when Jess calls to him in the hotel lobby. He was in the room during the murder, but did not remember a thing…

Famous Actors

Well HELLO there Michelle Phillips. Our former “Mama” of “The Mamas & The Papas” fame plays the young, tempestuous Gina. She gets manhandled a lot in this epi, which is kind of intense for MSW. Anyways, she looks really good. Purple eye shadow notwithstanding.

80's Baby

Calistro wears a white leisure suit. With a cranberry mock turtleneck. I think this is more of a disco throwback, but he acts quite dapper in it. Actually, truth be told he doesn’t look all that bad. More 80’s exercise equipment, all of which looks like spray-painted chrome torture equipment. Which, in fact, it probably was.

The End?

Gina readily admits to Jess that she is being blackmailed (these confessions require the suspect to turn away from Jess and pour a drink from a crystal tumbler). Turns out she was “involved” with Calistro, who could easily be close to 70 in this epi. Ok, suspend belief. She was being blackmailed by Joe’s crony to keep the affair from him.

With that suspect out of the running, Jess still can’t figure out how the murder was committed, so she sets up a good old MSW fake out. In other words, a hypnotist session with Andy Townsend! During the session, Andy recalls seeing our former trapeze artist Sherry enter the room and kill Calistro. This is conveniently the same story that Joan planted to fellow journalist Bud Michaels. Coincidence? I think not. Andy used earplugs to block out Calistro’s voice. This is why he didn’t hear Jess in the lobby, and was impervious to Calistro's hypnotist session. He waited until his back was turned, and struck, the perfect crime! Until Jess cracked it, that is. Turns out Andy’s dad got his career destroyed alongside Bud Michaels, also at the hands of that villain Calistro! After his father committed suicide, Andy plotted revenge. We end with a kiss on the hand from the Lieutenant, “I’ll call you the next time a mystery is on my hands!” and a last ditch effort from Joan to pitch her novel. Jess scrunches up her nose, freeze frame!

Season 1: My Johnny Lies Over the Ocean

2010-02-05T15:15:00.000-08:00

We meet a direct relative of Jess! Meaning her brother, not like her endless supply of nieces and nephews. Anyways, isn’t that enough! Ok fine, this one takes place on a cruise ship, one of the best murder mystery set ups of old. There is also an amazing scene where Jess acts snookered to get her suspect to confess. Classic MSW.

Synopsis

We meet Marshall, Jess’s brother!

!

Ok, so if you aren’t obsessed with this show (ahem...) you have no idea how rare that is. Marshall’s daughter Pam just experienced the horrible suicide of her husband Johnny. She goes on a 2 week cruise with her favorite Aunt to get “over” his death. Hmmmm. No judgment. Surprising no one, despite the fancy-pants cruise Pam still isn’t over his death. It doesn’t help that she’s mysteriously reminded of their favorite dishes, pet names, etc. while on the cruise. Pam starts getting unhinged in that classic female way. It’s not until Andrea Reed, one part of a well-to-do cruise ship couple is found dead in her cabin that Jess sniffs out a connection. Andrea was found clutching a photo of Pam’s late husband. Was Andrea behind the attacks on Pam? Was it suicide? Did she die at the hands of other…

Suspects

Captain— Leslie Nielsen!!! Huzzah! Here he plays the arrogant cruise ship captain, dismissing Jess’s theories as busy-body twaddle. She seriously just calls him “Captain.” No names needed when Leslie is in the room! Our Captain rules the roost, so to speak, and he has access to all the disturbances that had Pam so spooked. Was he in cahoots with Andrea to torture our darling Pam?

Ms. Shelly—Cruise ship director, took the job after a “bad situation,” or in MSW speak, a love affair gone bad! She is the keeper of a variety of menacing telegrams, unable to provide much in the way of explanation. She is very blonde. Yeah, that’s about it.

George Reed— Bereaved husband of Andrea. Convinced that there was, “no foul play at all” connected with her death. Anyone well acquainted with cold case files knows a statement like this makes him suspect numero uno!

Russell Thompkins— Single man taking a cruise. Claims to have a romantic interest in Pam. Um, immediately suspect.

Ramon— Some sort of boat server, assistance guy. I’ve never been on a cruise so I don’t know the proper title. Oh yeah, a steward. I surprise myself. Anyway he’s portrayed as a Latin lothario, but true to they-are-all-the-same-80’s stereotyping, he uses Italian phrases. He delivers a few of the threatening gifts/notes to Pam. Was he Andrea’s pawn?

Famous Actors

Leslie Nielsen! To me, of Naked Gun fame. To others, spokesman of Arizona Federal Bank. I kid, I kid. Not only a MGM golden boy, but part of the “Golden Era” of 50’s TV, starred in such greats like “The Wild, Wild West” (I you haven’t seen… you must. In fact, that might get its own blog). Was born in Saskatchewan. One of the most gifted comedic actors of our time. There, I said it!

80's Baby

Remember that “kiss my fat ass” swimsuit Tyra Banks was unfortunate enough to be photographed in? Yeah, first scene. Jess also writes a check. When’s the last time you did that? There’s also some cruise ship aerobics, complete with neon colored sweats and awkward, knee blasting, back jerking movements.

The End?

Jess dregs up the fact that our Johnny was adopted, the son of Andrea, the woman found dead in the cabin! Everyone assumes Andrea killed herself out of guilt. Jess knows immediately its George, and I’m not kidding, pretends to be drunk to get into his cabin. I think you have to watch this episode just for this scene. We all know that Jess doesn’t drink, but obviously George hasn’t watched episodes 1-13. She produces evidence that George lied about something, and I can’t even repeat it because its so beyond the realm of possibility. She apparently had film developed and… anyway, we’ll forgive her this one time. She threatens to go to the Captain, setting him up rather nicely. George beings stalking her, seeing the prime opportunity to toss the ol’ gal overboard. He falls neatly into her trap, and Jess gloats about it on the deck with the captain the next day. One gets the sense this episode was written entirely to maximize Leslie/Jess screen time, not a bad thing in my opinion.

Season 1: Hit, Run and Homicide

2010-01-30T14:15:00.000-08:00

Driverless cars and copious amounts of male chest hair... must be a Season 1 episode of MSW!!!

Synopsis
It’s the annual “Founder’s Day” picnic. Jess has her speech prepared about the Cabot Cove founders, horribly bland potato salad is uncovered, and a driverless car tries to mow down a picnic reveler. So basically, it's just your typical day in Cabot Cove. The intended victim escapes, but just nearly. He is Charles Woodley. A big city executive who was supposedly lured to Cabot Cove by the resident nutty professor, Daniel O’Brian. Daniel is, you guessed it, an old friend of Jess’s. After Woodley’s business partner gets killed by the driverless, murderous, wood-paneled station wagon, things get serious. While out riding her signature basket-outfitted bike (sans helmet, I must report), Jessica spots our driverless car. For some unexplainable reason, she gets in. The car. That’s been shown to drive around with no one inside. Obviously remote-controlled… Ok, so Jess has one wild ride once that door slams shut, the crazy driverless car seems to have a mind of its own! I did enjoy the scenes of her in the car, reminds one of the “simulator” in Drivers Ed. Anyway, she escapes before taking a plunge off a cliff. What should Jess do next? Turn to her…

Suspects

Charles Woodley—Typical business executive MSW prick. This was during the “Greed is Good” 80’s bubble phase, so we’ll forgive the stereotyping. His partner gets killed by the driverless car, setting the scene for Woodley to gain all the proceeds from their joint partnership. But would he set himself up as bait?

Daniel O’Brien—Local Cabot Cove inventor. Has a workshop filled with bleeping inventions, its all very Tales of the Crypt-ish if that makes any sense. In fact, I think this actor might have been in a few of those…. Anyway, he used to work for Woodley at some fancy-pants electronics company, but then got fired. There is still bad blood, as evidenced by O’Brien’s references to inviting Woodley to a “hanging party” and “only if I was in charge of the ropes.” Yikes, bikes. Anyway, Daniel invented a driverless car when he worked for Woodley, and made some calls to his office the week before. Damming, very damming.

Katie Simmons—Daniel’s houseguest, who feels so at home that she answers his door. “A little too familiar” I said to myself. Well I was right, because she is totally in love with Daniel. Would this secret love drive her to kill his old rival?

Tony O’Brien– Daniel’s nephew who does not feel the need to wear an undershirt with his polo. Stands to gain from all his uncle’s inventions if, say, his uncle was proved insane. It’s an idea put into his head by…

Leslie—Tony’s fiancé (I guess they don’t get last names either). Wants Tony to have Daniel “examined” for mental instability. Takes many mysterious trips to Portland, and perhaps more offensively, wears large belts with shorts.

Famous Actors
Van Johnson, of MGM WWII-era studio fame. I could list the movies but you probably haven’t seen any of them. He did star with Liz Taylor though. Pretty neat. Along those same lines, we have June Allyson, whose movie career probably isn’t as interesting as her early life recovering from a freak tree-branch accident. Seriously, read about it in wiki, it’s fascinating. Anyway, Van was supposedly quite moody in person. But I’d love have a cup of coffee with June, she seemed like a cool broad.

80's Baby
The driverless car is a wood-paneled station wagon. Isn’t that enough? Ok, if its not, Tony wears his shirt open to his navel while over at Jessica’s for dinner. Never was male chest hair so universally accepted.

The End?
Our bonehead sheriff is convinced the remote device is the one David O’Brien invented and has him arrested. Jess isn’t buying. She is convinced the car is remotely controlled by a van spotted at the scene. She sets up an elaborate sequence where they reenact the picnic scene, using their own remote device. As the car bears down on Woodley once again, she waits until Leslie runs for the van, and Woodley yells out for her at the same time. QUITE a coincidence! Jess sniffed out that her trips to Portland were B.S., and apparently that’s enough because Leslie confesses almost immediately that the entire scheme was Woodley’s idea. Apparently, some of Daniel’s inventions were quite valuable indeed; Leslie and Woodley were in cahoots to reap the benefits. We end, as we so often do in MSW land, after dinner a joke.

Season 12: Murder Among Friends

2010-01-26T14:08:00.000-08:00

"I'll be there for youuuu...'cuz you're there for me tooooo!"

Ahhh, the cutthroat world of corporate television! Actors...writers...producers...all subject to the whims of big network financing. Hmmm, could this topic be at all familiar to the folks at "Murder She Wrote"?

Synopsis
While Mrs. Fletcher is filming a retrospective on Hitchcock movies for PBS, she becomes entangled with the real-life drama going down on a hit sitcom shooting next door about six 20-somethings "sitting around all day long, discussing their sexuality". Jessica's words, not mine! I can only imagine her opinion about "Seinfeld"...

Rumors are flying that one of the Friends---whoops, I mean Buds!---is getting the proverbial ax, so everyone on the set goes into panic mode. The executive producer and resident ballbreaker, Ricki Vardian, is the only one who knows which character will be killed and decides to keep her secret by locking away the last page of the script in her office safe. When Jessica finds Ricki dead behind the office desk, there is no shortage of available suspects.

I'm just going to pause for a moment and wish that I would've kept count of every time Jessica has discovered a murder victim and/or dead body during twelve seasons of MSW. My conservative estimate: 65. Your guess??

Suspects

Vince DeNisco--The equivalent of Joey on "Friends", he was having an affair with Ricki to help his career. Did the relationship turn violent after Ricki dumped him?

Carly McAllister--This one's definitely our faux Jennifer Aniston, complete with The Rachel haircut. She was pining away for Joey...errr, Vince...and terrified of getting fired from the show. She argued with Ricki, but was it enough to drive Carly to murder?

Dyan Emery--The Phoebe of the group! Although she's Ricki's favorite cast member, Dyan is itching to get out of her contract with "Buds" to star in the next big Rob Reiner movie. But is she willing to kill for it?

Alex Bower--Former student of Jessica's. After Mrs. Fletcher termed his plot points "laughable", Alex turned to comedic writing as a means of living. Would he kill Ricki to land her lucrative head writer gig?

Timothy Flint---It's not obvious whether this guy is intended to be Chandler or Ross, but I'm guessing by the hair that he's Chandler. Anyway, Timmy recently became enraged with Ricki after finding out that his paycheck was half that of the other Buds. Could this lukewarm character be capable of murder?

Lt. Roy Flint--Self-avowed stage father of Timmy, he'd do anything to protect his son's career. With his police training, it would be easy to kill Ricki and arrest someone else for the crime. Could Roy frame his own son??

It wasn't hard to guess that Timmy would get himself arrested (by his own father--gasp!) for killing Ricki. After all, Jessica took a shine to him early on in the episode...and you know how much she loves to defend the underdog. Turns out the murder weapon was a brand new laptop computer and only Timmy and Ricki's prints were on it. Fortunately for Tim, Dyan's offhand comments to Jessica revealed her to be killer.

Which "Buds" character was supposed to be killed? Carly, our symbolic Rachel.

Famous Actors
I'm disappointed to say there wasn't anybody famous here. But we had plenty of impostor famous people to keep us busy.

90's Baby
Kudos to the staff of "Murder She Wrote" for crafting such a surprisingly elaborate parody of "Friends"! The fake Joey alone was incredibly spot on, but there was even an impressive mock version of the famous Friends theme song and posters of the fake cast that seemed like perfect replicas of classic Friends advertising. Maybe when you're winding down to the final episodes of a 12 season run, it's time to have a little fun at the expense of another network's top rated show. Well played, Angela Lansbury. Well played!

The End?
For her role in freeing Timmy, Jessica is officially designated as an honorary Bud! Lucky her, right?

Season 1: Murder at the Oasis

2010-01-24T16:51:00.000-08:00

Synopsis
I love all the free time everyone has in this fantasy land of “TV.” Ever notice how Jess is always vacationing, or “visiting friends” in fabulous day spas for weeks at a time? Ok, maybe not day spas, but you get the picture. Anywho, I guess that’s what being a famous author gets you. Endless vacations with friends who have butlers. Johnny Shannon is some kind of music producer in a place called Desert Palms. Writes ditties for TV commercials, it all seems very dramatic. Times must be good because he lives in a palatial pad with his good for nothing (his words) son, daughter and a butler. Jess is friends with Johnny and is quickly on the scene when his body is discovered, slumped over in his lounge, shot in the back of the head. But nobody heard a shot, enter our…

Suspects
Peg Sherry—Johnny’s ex. Made a late night visit the night Johnny died. They “made love” and she left. I’m not sure that’s what I would call boinking your ex husband, but whatever.

Vic Larosa-- Famous tennis player channeling John McEnroe. He was being used by Terry to piss off daddy. Oh these rich girls and their games!! Vic was spotted in the house the night of the murder, just one day after a big public fight with the dead man the day before. Vic is charged with Johnny’s death, and for a tennis player, runs pathetically slow when the police come to arrest him. As you can guess, Jess aint buying it.

Buster-- Butler. See below posts, butlers don’t get last names. Johnny sometimes treated his butler like poop. Shocker. Jess finds this very intriguing.

Mickey Shannon-- Good for nothing son whose hair color seems to change through the episode. Was seen sneaking into the den right before his father was shot. He claims he left him alive, and then goes on to say he often wanted to kill his father. Jess does her eyebrow raise.

Terry Shannon-- Rich, spoiled, entitled daughter of the deceased Johnny. Has a history of impulsive, reckless actions. Not unlike… other entitled, rich girls I imagine. I guess because of her past she wanted to torture her father by dating Vic, a guy he hates. I don’t really get why, but she’s a blond loose cannon dammit!

Lieutenant Barnes-- Chiseled chin and blond hair…. Le sigh. Anyway, he claims that Desert Palms doesn’t have a homicide division, so apparently that means she’s on the case. From the looks of that police station, me thinks they could do some budgeting and find a way for one, but I digress. He left the Chicago police under mysterious circumstances.

Famous Actors
There is a burly security guard who looks like a James Bond villian. The Sean Connery Bonds. Anyway, that’s kind of it.

80’s Baby
Large, thick gold chains, copious use of all purple shades. There is a truly horrible female tie (gaaaa!), and a pair of large “Jackie O” sunglass that, I’m not ashamed to admit, I own right now. Jess is sporting some enormously large earrings, not unlike those my Big Ma used to favor. And no, I don’t own those.

The End?
Jess theorizes that the “stereo television” (ohhh, what’s that?!) might cause enough noise to muffle the gun shot. She, with help from our studly Lieutenant, know that the killer must have come from inside the house, or else they would have been snagged by the uber security system. But our Jess uncovers a way around the security system, good old hanky panky. The killer snuck in when the security was turned off to let our angry tennis player in to see Terry.

Jess notices a missing picture frame at the crime scene, which our silly Lieutenant shrugs off. But when the Butler says, “I get the picture,” it all…. Comes…. Back! The goal of the hit? A videotape. Don’t ask me what’s on it. Some kind of corruption, mob stuff. Anyways, the “picture” the Lieutenant shrugged off was taken before Johnny was dead. There was no way he could have known about it, unless he had been in the room at the time. He pulls a gun on Jess, and she calls for some very handy back up. They all pile in, and she thanks him for providing her with the only real evidence of the case, his gun. Ballistics will prove it fired the fatal shot. She gives him her steeliest glare, as he hands over the gun.

Season 12: Frozen Stiff

2010-01-01T19:38:00.000-08:00

First off, this episode has more cows in it than probably all 12 seasons of Murder She Wrote put together! If that doesn't grab you, than how about a take-off on the ever-popular Ben & Jerry's ice cream? Introducing...Gary and Larry's Frozen Stuff.

Synopsis:

This time, Jessica travels to my home state of Wisconsin to mingle with executives at an ice cream company that promised her funds for a literacy foundation. When a few unlucky folks turn up dead, will Jessica figure out the real scoop? (Snort!)

Gary & Larry employee Kyle McGregor is discovered in Larry's holstein-themed office, dead from an apparent suicide. His last call was captured on Larry's answering machine, along with a hang-up from his potential killer. Conveniently enough, Jessica is holed up at Larry's place and able to listen to the tape for clues.

Her new BFF Larry is the company's moral center, if you will, with Gary as his sleazy, money-hungry counterpart. When Gary's frozen corpse is discovered in the walk-in freezer, there are plenty of suspects for Mrs. Fletcher to run to ground.

Suspects:

Ralph Brewer--writer for Verity magazine. He was about to leak a story about Frozen Stuff using milk containing growth hormone, thus refuting the company's claim to be "all-natural". He was also sleeping with Gary's wife. Did he murder Gary in a fit of jealous and/or righteous rage?

Carol Herling---Gary's disgruntled and money-hungry wife. With her hubby out of the way, she stood to inherit some control in the company and would be free to continue her romance with Ralph out in the open.

Larry Armstrong---the only employee that was late for Kyle's funeral, which occurred during Gary's alleged time of death. Did he kill Gary over the growth hormone debacle, or to finally regain 100% control over their company?

Woody Seabrook---as Larry's long-lost illegitimate son, was he framing Larry for Gary's murder to exact revenge or maybe hungry to remove an annoyance for dear ol' dad?

Susan McGregor---mild-mannered, pastel turtleneck sweater and pleated pants-wearing wife of the first dead body of this episode, Kyle. Did she drive him to suicide after all, or does she have more to hide?

Sheriff Mike Chubb---no discernable motive, I just think his name is hilarious for an episode about ice cream

Jim Kenton---former tabloid writer turned PR guy, he definitely seem shifty throughout Jessica's investigation

Famous Actors
Ooh-blah-dee, ooh-blah-daaaah, life goes on-aaaaah!
The ice cream mavens themselves, Gary and Larry, are played by TV stars Dirk Benedict (Face from "The A-Team") and Bill Smitrovich (Corky's dad from "Life Goes On") respectively. I hear they're doing a remake movie of the A-Team, btw...I hope a certain someone gets a cameo. If he's still alive. A-hem.

90's Baby
Check out some seriously "funky" shirt patterns on Larry, always paired with a suit jacket---sans tie, of course. There was a lot of cheesy pastels and neon lights in the Frozen Stuff corporate office, which did nothing to complement Larry's cow-tacular office. My husband noted plenty of extremely dated computer screens, systems and read-outs that were improbable at best.

The End?
Remember the missing $750,000? Kyle McGregor was illegally siphoning away the funds, then had a change of heart after being blackmailed by Jim Kenton. Kyle shot himself in front of Jim, but not before giving the suitcase of money to his wife Susan with instructions to return the funds to the literacy foundation.

Turns out that Susan was the one who leaked the tainted milk story to Verity magazine, only because Gary threatened to fire Kyle if he didn't go along with the whole thing. Susan murdered Gary after he discovered that she still had the money and demanded to meet with her. She stuffed him in the freezer at 8:10am and broke Gary's wristwatch after setting it for 9am, thus faking the time of death right around Kyle's funeral.

Then we all had a nice freeze-frame laugh because Jessica used the police crime lab to run an analysis on Gary & Larry's tropical ice cream. Our super sleuth just couldn't live without determining their secret ingredient. Har!

Season 12: Murder in Tempo

2009-10-08T08:19:00.000-07:00

An electric guitar as a murder weapon? And in Cabot Cove, no less? Say it ain't so, Jessica!

Synopsis:
Dr. Seth Hazlitt is organizing a fundraiser to save the Cabot Cove woods, mortgaging his own house to pay for expenses related to a benefit show starring Tommy Vaughn and In Tempo. Let's just say that this "rock" band is about as hard-core as Michael Bolton circa 1988. "Essence of love, that flows from me to youuuuuu..."

Tommy Vaughn is a recovering "bad boy" rocker with a curly mullet and a horribly off-key voice. Apparently he needs surgery to fix his vocals (really?). Anyway, he has a long history of sordid love affairs and a lurky stalker known to wear a replica guitar pin. While practicing their songs for the benefit concert, Tommy's guitar starts sparking and he falls to the stage floor---dead by electrocution.

The wet stage turned Tommy into "a live wire", according to Dr. Hazlitt. Oh really? My husband snorted at this point and immediately assured me that the show's explanation of how Tommy was electrocuted is absolutely impossible. Honestly, if wet stages and bad wiring were so dangerous, wouldn't we have seen a rash of dead hair band rockers in the late 80's? Could they have been more flammable with all that hair spray, spandex and glitter?

Suspects:

Rachel Weldon--works in the Cabot Cove music store and flirts with Tommy Vaughn regularly while beginning an affair together.

Hal Palmer--owner of the music store and local electronics repairman. He fixes Jessica's "hi-fi" and is the only character that actually attempts to maintain a New England accent throughout the episode besides Doc Hazlitt.

Udella Vaughn--wife of Tommy, but in name only. She's looking to strike out on her own in the adult contemporary field. Did she decide to make herself a widow instead of a divorcee?

Jim Maddox--owner of Maddox Electronics, he's trying to buy the Cabot Cove woods and destroy it for commercial purposes. He's willing to shell out big bucks to ensure that the benefit concert is a huge flop. But is he motivated enough to take matters into his own hands?

Wylie Trey--In Tempo's manager and all-around skeevy guy, being paid by Jim Maddox to keep Tommy from playing the benefit concert, no matter what.

Blue Maddox--In Tempo band member, he used to date Rachel Weldon and still holds a torch for her. He tries to warn Rachel away from getting too involved with Tommy Vaughn. Is he jealous enough to give him the axe, so to speak?

Famous Actors
Whip Hubley--or as I know him: "Slider" from "Top Gun," plays an In Tempo band member. I can't remember his character's name in this episode...it's a long fall from "Top Gun", my friend. And Jim Maddox is played by Josh Taylor, the dad from "Hogan Family", who is also an occasional soap opera actor--I think "Days of our Lives".

80's Baby
Since it's Season 12, we're talking more like early 90's baby. But we still have mullets and assorted 90's fashions to make fun off. Mostly shoulder pads and oversized, shapeless coats.

The End?
Jessica pops up at the music store and confronts Hal Palmer regarding his obsession with Rachel. Hal admits that he's in love with Rachel and would do anything to keep her away from Tommy. So he dressed up as Tommy's stalker and tried to shoot him a few times. When that didn't work, he re-wired Tommy's amplifier. Hal's big mistake? Using the same wire as the kind he used on Jessica's hi-fi. Confronted with this "damning evidence", Hal pulls a gun on Jessica, but Sheriff Metzger and his deputies arrive instantly to defuse the situation.

Let me just add here that last night I saw Ron Masak (Sheriff Metzger) in the Mystery Science Theater movie, "Laserblast"...he played a small town sheriff. Go figure.

So the benefit concert is a big hit and the woods are saved. Dr. Hazlitt is featured on the front page of the newspaper and we end with a big laugh over the photo.

Season 3: Keep the Home Fries Burning

2009-09-20T18:36:00.000-07:00

Bad preserves strike Cabot Cove, leather shoulder bags and uppity business women from the Health Department all make appearances.

Synopsis

Bo from Dickson’s Diner is jealous. All Cabot Cove is obsessed with the Joushua Peabody Inn, a new dining spot big on homemade preserves and cheesy Cabot memorabilia. It also comes with a surly cook and a slew of colorful diners, including: council members Hawthorne and Ebenezer, Jess and her crew and two ladies on a gals road trip. Jessica spots Italian suede on the gal pals (!), but it turns out several diners are about to get more than what they bargained for after breakfasting on strawberry preserves. So a bunch of people get sick, but only Betty Filder (one of the gals) bites the dust. Her friend, Willamena Fraizer, is distraught. But it's Willamena’s husband who seems particularly upset…

Ms. Perry (from the Health Department) is quickly on the scene to point fingers and basically be the business-woman-bad-guy in a manner of speaking. Snotty, self-righteous, you get the drill. Basically they hone in on those strawberry preserves, a pot of which is mysteriously missing. I say “they” but it’s really only Jess, of course. Dr. Seth concludes it’s not food poisoning (to Ms. Health Dept's chagrin). Instead, it's some fast-acting poison, the symptoms of which Jessica is thoroughly versed in. So they conclude its murder, and are off to find where that missing preserve jar walked off to.

The Suspects

Bo Dickson- Owns rival establishment Dickson’s Diner. Makes all kind of threats to Floyd Nelson, owner of the rival establishment Joushua Peabody’s. Bo was among the diners that fateful morning, casing the competition as it were. Coincidentally, his table was the last resting place of the preserves.

Willamena Fraizer- I had to look up how to spell that first name, just FYI. This gal was sporting the Italian suede purse Jess spotted in the diner, and was with Betty when she took fatally ill.

Floyd Nelson- Owner of Joushua Peabody’s, in the business of staying in business, at all costs. Which would mean he would have no motive for poisoning one of his customers. This means he doesn’t really belong in the “suspects” category. Sorry. He does mop his establishment's floor in a suit though, which I found highly suspcious.

Hawthorne- Threatened a fellow council member (Ebenezer McHenry) over details on a kickback he received from a Portland contractor. Was he crazy enough to silence him via preserve poisoning?

Dupre- Resident surely chef of Joushua Peabody’s. Dupre wants out of his contract with the owner, and he’ll do anything to be released. He fakes a French pedigree, which Jess unveils with her thorough knowledge of French cuisine (something about béarnaise sauce).

Cornelia- Apparently, council members, chefs and waitresses don’t get last names. Conelia waitresses at Joushua Peabody’s before she defected back to Dickson’s Diner. Was she in on the preserve debacle to bring customers back to Dickson’s?

Famous Actors

Our girl Jess is the only shining 80’s star in this epi.

80's Baby!

Slouch boots, harem pants, fluffy bun/garish blush combinations. Basically, NYC Fashion Week 2009… The crux of the story revolves around a horrid looking patchwork shoulder bag that our victim Betty sports about.

The End?

Jess is convinced one person was the target of the poisoning, and hones in on the Betty/Willamena friendship. Through her uncanny ability to ferret out love confessions, Mr. Fraizer confesses that he was having an affair with Betty, who was urging him to tell his wife, Willamena. A reference to tips on items called “credit cards” (what are those?) remind Jess of Willamena’s gorgeous suede purse.

Cut to a scene where Willamena is tipping her nurse literally $2 for “taking such good care of me” while she recovered in the hospital from those preserves. I mean I realize we need to adjust for inflation, but really, $2??? So Jessica intercepts her departure with an innocent question about the suede purse. The purse she stored the poisoned preserves in!!! Apparently, Willamena went back to “leave a tip on the table” and actually recovered the jar, ditching the evidence and pilfering Betty’s patchwork purse as a replacement. She had known about the affair, and planned her friend’s demise somewhere along their road trip, poisioning herself (just a bit) to divert suspicion. As Mr. Fraizer hangs his head in sadness, Willamena realizes she has lost her husband’s love forever. We end our epi in Dickson’s diner, cue bad joke by Amos and an eye brow raise by Jess.

Season 5: Fire Burn, Cauldron Bubble

2009-05-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

This episode has all the makings for a highly enjoyable viewing experience: 1) inventive title, 2) takes place in Cabot Cove, 3) plethora of famous guest stars--all of my favorites!

Synopsis:
Cabot Cove is spooked by the alleged appearance of the ghost of Patience Terhune, a town ancestor that was burned at the stake for witchcraft. The anniversary of her death is just days away when Dr. Hazlitt (sporting quite a significant recent weight loss) spots her chanting near a pentagram and vowing to avenge her death on the town. You never know what might happen once night falls on Cabot Cove!

Mildred Terhune, town librarian, is the sole descendent of the famous Patience and when her long-lost younger sister Irene turns up in town shortly after the ghost sighting, Jessica becomes suspicious. Even worse, "Patience" is spotted entering an old barn, which subsequently burns to the ground. Then Irene's dead body is discovered in the partially burnt barn. Was it witchcraft, or good ol' fashion murder?

Suspects:

Mildred Terhune--Jessica found a letter stating that the old apple orchard Mildred had recently became heir to had flourished into a lucrative multi-million dollar development. Was she aware of her inheritance and unwilling to share it with Irene, despite her claims otherwise?

Gordon Fairchild--arrived in town to hype a book he authored about Patience Terhune that was set to release on the anniversary of her death. He seemed pretty desperate to drum up sales, but desperate enough to stage a murder?

Adam Forbisher--Mildred's fiancee and town handyman, was he threatened by Irene's recent reappearance?

Jonas Holt--taxi driver that first picked up Irene Terhune from the bus station and then showed her around town...romantic feelings ensued.

Rick Rivers--seedy media promoter, he hired "Irene" (really just an out of work actress) to insert herself into Mildred's life and to perform various witchy stunts around town as a means of drumming up publicity for Gordon Fairchild's book.

Reverend Fordyce--hired by the townspeople to conduct an exorcism to lift the curse of Patience Terhune, was he in cahoots with "Irene" and did it go sour?

Jessica decides that the killer will return to the barn to clean up any remaining evidence, so she plans a sting with the help of Sheriff Mort and Dr. Hazlitt. Who should appear but Mildred's fiancee, Adam Forbisher! He conveniently confesses to targeting Mildred from the get-go for her money and killing Irene so they could have a bigger share of the pot. After overhearing Rick Rivers talking on the phone about staging the barn burning, he had a perfect spot to dispose of Irene's body. Unfortunately, he also overheard that Irene was never Irene in the first place, thus no threat to Mildred's fortune. Whoops, too bad she's already dead.

Famous Actors:
You will first note the presence of Roddy McDowall, famous silver screen movie actor and BFF of Elizabeth Taylor, as the annoying and pompous Gordon Fairchild. Nobody plays an effeminate elite like Roddy McDowall!

Then of course, there's comedian Bill Maher as Rick Rivers. Oh my. All I can say about his brunette mullet is...Beauty and the Beast!!

Rounding out the notable celebrities is John J. York, looking pretty darn young. "General Hospital" fans will recognize him immediately as portraying a long-time soap fan favorite, Mac Scorpio, part of a former super-couple and then became town police chief.

80's Baby:
Apart from Bill Maher rockin' the 80's mullet to it's fullest extent (and I mean fluffy fullness!), I can't remember anything else particularly standing out.

The End?
Jessica mentions coming into Dr. Hazlitt's office the next day because her neck hurts. When he says why bother, Jessica coyly asks if he's finally admitting to not knowing everything about medical science. Nope, he just recalled that J.B. is distantly related to the Brewster family, famous in town for incurable cervical issues. And there's no cure for a 300 year old pain in the neck. Freeze frame!

Season 4: If It's Thursday, It Must Be Beverly

2009-04-22T13:18:00.000-07:00

Hold onto your hats folks, because this is a good one! Actually, the episode itself is pretty odd and disjointed, but it takes place in Cabot Cove (my favorite locale) and it involves "good, clean sex". !!

Synopsis:
The episode opens up at Loretta's hair salon, the old-fashioned type with lots of pink and plenty of hood dryers to go around. Jessica is getting her hair done and chatting with the patrons. The town's postman comes in to gossip and dispense New Hampshire lottery tickets he purchased for the girls, which is a regular thing they do. Jessica reschedules for 6 weeks, but I suspect Angela Lansbury got more frequent trims than that, considering her hair always looks impossibly the same.

Cut to Jonathan Martin's house (Amos Tupper's night deputy). He's got a drunken, belligerent and bitter wife (Audrey Martin) who apparently loves to stumble around the house and pick fights. Lo and behold, later than night she's found murdered--shot in the chest, an apparent suicide. Or not!

Jonathan stops by Jessica's house to commiserate and starts giving her an innocent back rub that slowly turns into uncomfortable territory. Thankfully, the doorbell rings just in the nick of time. It's George, the postman! Jessica has never been happier to see this guy, and hussles the both of them out the door. She's left with a creepy feeling that there's more to Jonathan Martin than they previously anticipated.

Suspects:

Eve Simpson--the Sheriff's log puts Jonathan at her house right before the murder. He was there to get her cat out of a tree. Hmmm. After examining the log book, Jessica determines that Eve has called about her cat every Monday for the last three weeks. Hmmm!

Phyllis Grant--according to the log book, every Tuesday she's either heard strange sounds or witnessed a prowler near her home. Hmm! Did she see Audrey as her only romantic rival, then murdering her, or did she know about the other ladies in Jonathan's life?

Ideal Malloy--another lonely divorcee, she was Wednesday in the log book and had a pretty solid alibi for the night of the murder.

Beverly Hills--(Gotta love this name!) Dr Seth Hazlitt's nurse, she met with Jonathan every Thursday for, a-hem, "good, clean sex". Beverly was under the impression that Jonathan was planning to leave his wife for her, even though he never actually said anything to that effect.

Loretta Spiegel--beauty shop owner and one of Jonathan's early conquests. She pursued him rather aggressively after a 1-night stand and was caught lying about her alibi. Was she bitter enough about Jonathan's rejection to kill his wife?

Corinne--Loretta's assistant, Jonathan turned up at her house a few days after the murder. He's such a busy guy!

Jonathan Martin--his marriage was obviously unhappy, but was it motive enough to murder his wife? Doubtful, considering his vows did nothing to get in his way of ministering to the town's lonely widows and sad divorcees.

George Tibbits--town postman, he was familiar with all the above suspects and had plenty of means to commit this murder.

It was pretty clear from the beginning scene that George the postman probably murdered Audrey for her winning New Hampshire lottery ticket. Jessica put the facts together after Seth asked George where his missing New Hampshire weekly was and George mysteriously mentioned that they never arrived. In fact, George knew that Audrey had the winning number because he provided her with the ticket and then read about the win, but was buying himself time by ditching the before-mentioned papers.

When Jessica questions George, his story was one of self-defense. He snuck into the unlocked back door to switch their lottery tickets, but Audrey heard a noise and cornered George with Jonathan's spare service revolver. Audrey was then shot during their struggle for the gun.

Famous Actors:
For once, I didn't recognize anyone!

80's Baby:

Nothing worth mentioning beyond the usual bad hair and standard 80's "old lady" outfits.

The End?
Dr Hazlitt and Jessica trick Sheriff Tupper into eating a bite of a tasty dish of escargot. Laugh and freeze frame!

Season 3: Dead Man's Gold

2009-04-15T09:04:00.000-07:00

Sunken treasure off the coast of Cabot Cove? Ya don't say?

Synopsis:
David Everett (Leslie Nielsen) breezes back into Mrs. Fletcher's life, an old flame who knew her as Jessie McGill back in the day. David has a string of ex-wives and a questionable financial history of apparent "scams", but still wonders "what might have been" with Jessica. Dr Seth Hazlitt and Sheriff Tupper catch wind of Mr. Everett's shenanigans and go into over-protection mode around Jessica. Meanwhile, David takes every available opportunity to drive them nuts by flirting steamily with J.B. Ha!

By the way, David brought with him to Cabot Cove a team of "kids" who are helping him find a sunken ship that may contain treasures of gold. They've formed a formal partnership and if anyone leaves/dies/goes missing, the remaining partners get a bigger cut of the proceeds.

Of course, one-by-one, the partners are seemingly threatened. First, Bill Ainsley's diving equipment is tampered with, landing him in the hospital. Next, Alexandra Bell is run over by a car on dark, deserted Cabot Cove road. Meanwhile, David owes $50K to a loan shark that isn't afraid to shake him down in the middle of town. Who could be the killer?

Suspects:

Colby Russell--Alex's boyfriend. He left her drunken, obnoxious self on the side of a road in the middle of the night after an argument. Ever the gentleman, he did give her 20 cents for a phone call and 5 bucks for a cab.

Larry Gaynes--masquerades as David's nephew, he owns a computer company and was most of the money behind this expedition. He leaves town suddenly after Alex's murder.

Susan Ainsley--wife of the first victim. She likes to lounge around on deck of the expedition boat, applying make-up.

Gregory Small & Ross Barber--loan shark and his "muscle" that are trying to get their money back from David Everett.

David Everett--would he kill Alex to get a larger share of the fortune? He is becoming increasingly desperate for cash and even hits Jessica up for $10K.

After lots of innuendo and suspicious manuveuring on the part of David Everett, Jessica confronts Susan Ainsley at her recuperating spouse's hospital bedside. Susan confesses to tampering with her husband's diving equipment ("I did it for you!") and murdering Alex out of some vague jealousy/inadequacy motives. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure why she did either crimes, but she confessed...so end of story.

Famous Actors:
Well, obviously Leslie Nielsen as the erstwhile love interest, David Everett. He also appeared in the cruise episode from Season 1: My Johnny Lies Over the Ocean. I suppose you could count J. Eddie Peck (Colby) because he's played a doctor on practically every daytime soap I've ever watched (All My Children, Days of Our Lives, etc.). Hmm, I still wonder what the "J" stands for?

Honorable mention goes to Wendy Kilbourne (our culprit, Susan Ainsley) because I recognized her immediately from the "North and South" miniseries. She played Constance, the Irish wife of the northern non-Patrick Swayze male lead, James Read. According to a little bit of internet research, they eventually married and had two kids. Huh. Anyway, she'll always be fondly remembered by my sister and I for calling her "N&S" hubby "Jaaarge" (George), in a truly horrendous Irish accent.

80's Baby:
Alex wears a very heinous hot pink jumpsuit with enormous shoulder pads on the night of her demise, topping the look off with 80's hair wings. Susan is shown in flashback wearing an oversized aqua bomber jacket replete with unnecessary shoulder padding. Larry offers to set Jessica up with one of those new-fangled computers after mocking her ancient typewriter.

The End?
David finds out that the sunken treasure probably floated off to sea. Still, he manages to settle his debts with the loan shark and sails wistfully off into the sunset...and out of Jessica's life, leaving her a sentimental note in a book he stole from the Cabot Cove library. Sniff!

Obituary for a Dead Actor

2009-04-11T16:50:00.000-07:00

Synopsis
So there’s this TV show called “Scrutiny” which, I guess, is a knock off of “A Current Affair” (remember that one? Awesome). Scrutiny opens with a salacious story of a crooked art dealer, which the lead anchor, Kevin Keets, is grilling. Or attempting to grill, it’s hard when the man looks like he lost a fight with Wet n’ Wild bronzer. Apparently, as a result of the feature, he’s gotten some death threats. Despite that salacious bit of news, audience surveys of Scrutiny questions the popularity of its 3 news anchors. For the record, they are: Paula, Kevin and Nick. Paula is an old friend of Jessica’s (who isn’t), and convinces her to nudge the city council to agree on a feature of Cabot Cove. They agree, and the whole town is excited to participate. Until, that is, they set up a camera in Jessica’s flower beds. You’ve never seen the old girl move so fast. So our bronzed anchor Kevin is the flower-bed perpetrator, but quickly charms our girl during the interview. Until that is, our bumbling Sheriff Amos Tupper interrupts, noting a shady-looking character was spotted near town. Apparently, from this description Keith realizes it’s an associate of the crooked art dealer, and he gets nervous about the validity of those death threats.

So of course, Nick is blown up in a boat the next day. The very boat our Sheriff Tupper hired for him. Right after the explosion, the Sheriff notices shady art dealer hit man run off. Coincidence? He doesn’t catch him, of course, Sheriff Tupper doesn’t look like he moves past a shuffle-to-the-coffeemaker. But Kevin isn’t really dead. Recovered in the boat is one unfortunate Scrutiny producer, Doug Helman. Our suspects file out to be:

Paula Roman- Our link to Jessica. In cahoots with Kevin. Spots an unfortunate perm. Lies to Jess about flying into New York (Jess has every flight schedule in the continental US memorized, on account of her busy travel schedule…). Then she also lies about Kevin’s current whereabouts, but lies get you nowhere when you’re dealing with Jess. “You know where Kevin is don’t you?” “Yes, how did you know?”

Kevin Keets- Our Wet n’ Wild news anchor. Fakes his own death. The second or third epi that’s featured an “I’m-really-not-dead” male lead. Kevin insists he and Doug planned the assignment to Cabot Cove to interview someone about the art dealer/drug death threats, planning a disappearance at the last minute to avoid the hit man. But no one believes him, because he planned for the boat at the last minute with Doug and only Doug, so he’s put in jail.

Judith Keets- Jilted wife of Kevin, threatened him the night before he died. Tells Jessica about the audience research that had some unfavorable results of a certain anchor, though she admits she doesn’t know who.

Doug Helman- Producer of Scrutiny. Found dead on the boat. Only has 8 toes, which is how Jessica identifies him. Don’t ask.

Richard Abbot– Cold-hearted director of Scrutiny, tries to spin Doug’s unfortunate demise into a lead story. He admits that the network did test the popularity of Scrutiny, but doesn’t say who. Also has a rock solid alibi.

Nick Brody- A news institution, a bit sore to be the old boy of the Scrutiny cast of anchors.

Jessica corners Nick Brody as he’s tying his final news story. “I’m afraid you’ll have to change the ending” she quips, revealing she knows the audience surveys indicated he was the reason they were getting such low ratings. She also knows he was in the room when Doug discussed the boat-renting scheme, making him the only other person, besides our bronzed god Kevin, who knew about the plans. Apparently, that’s enough for him to confess. He wanted to ensure his place on the show by killing Kevin. The probably would have canned him anyway, but Jess is too polite to mention this.

Famous Actors
I’m sure the actor who plays Nick Brody is, but no names spring to mind.

80’s Baby!
The male/female perm is out in full force. Paula sports a particularly unfortunate example, reminding one strongly of a wet standard poodle. There are also gigantic shiny earrings, and swinging purses galore. Also some leather patchwork button-ups sported by our hip news anchor. Gaaa.

The End?
Nick asks to finish his story, and begins typing on his typewriter solemnly while Jess dials for the sheriff. Jess dials, and scene. What? No tut-tutting head nod?

Season 3--Corned Beef and Carnage

2009-04-08T11:41:00.000-07:00

This episode title was simply irresistable. Could you imagine eating at a place called "Corned Beef Castles"? Honestly?

Synopsis
Jessica goes to the big city to visit her niece Victoria and her out-of-work actor husband, Howard. Jessica ends up spending most of her time with Howard because Victoria has a new, "cut-throat" career as an advertising executive. Victoria later confesses to Jessica that she's only working to give Howard a chance to land his big break and Howard confesses to Jessica that he basically feels like a loser, even though he's pretty proud of his wife's recent success. Needless to say, there's lots more rampant sexism about woman in the workplace to be had throughout this episode.

Case in point, Victoria's boss, Larry Kincaid, is desperate to land a new account promoting Corned Beef Castles and since the owner takes a shine to Victoria, her boss asks to her to do "whatever it takes" to help land the account. Heavy on the sexual innuendo. Heck, this went right past subtlety, straight to a boldface request. This occurred after the lecherous Mr. Kincaid subjects Victoria to a scene or two of rampant sexual harassment at his own hands and that of Mr. Corned Beef, Grover Barth. Ewww.

An angry and indignant Victoria quits her job and storms out of the office. Unfortunately, she returns later in the evening to collect her belongings. Deciding to confront her boss one last time, she enters his office to find Mr. Kincaid behind his desk, dead by bludgeoning with an ad award. By the way, this is about the eighth or ninth episode I've seen so far involving a murder victim being discovered dead either in their desk chair or on the floor beneath it. So if you have a posh, over-sized office with a swivel desk chair facing the door, beware.

Mrs. Fletcher makes the rounds to question a variety of suspects, including:

Christine Clifford: cougar-type who will quite literally do "whatever it takes" to steal this corned beef account away from the victim's ad agency

Seymour Biddle: owner of Biddle ad agency, he was trying to take the Corned Beef Castles account from the Kincaid agency at all costs

Aubrey Thornton: Victoria's under-used coworker, he was under contract but Kincaid was trying to force him out by not assigning him any real work duties

Myron Kincaid: elder brother of the murder victim, he inherited the ad agency upon Kincaid's death

Grover Barth: Mr. Corned Beef Castles himself, he hit on Victoria and told her boss that they could have the account if she was "part of the deal"

Jim Ingram : dopey security guard recently hired at Kincaid's agency, he was the only witness to the comings and goings at the office around the time of Kincaid's death

Jessica's niece Victoria is arrested because they found her prints on the murder weapon. Still, she's released because Jessica convinces the over-acting police detective of reasonable doubt. A corned beef sandwich was delivered at 8pm and the time of death was 9:15pm. Why was sandwich still there, uneaten, when the body was discovered?

Eventually Jessica uncovers that someone disguised as a deliveryman was the probable killer. But who? She puts the recently fired security guard and Aubrey Thornton in the same room together at the police station. The police detective is waiting for the former guard to recognize Aubrey, but he fails to do so.

In actuality, Jessica was hoping for the reverse. Aubrey asks, "Why did you keep me here so long, waiting around with that security guard?" Jessica asks Aubrey, "How did you know he was the security guard? He wasn't wearing a uniform. And you always left before the guard began his shift." This, of course, is enough to drive Aubrey into the long-awaited murder confession.

Famous Actors
There are tons! Right off the bat, I recognized repeat guest stars Genie Francis as Victoria (Laura of the "General Hospital" Luke and Laura 80's juggernaut) and Jeff Conaway as Howard ("Grease", "Taxi"). They also starred in a season 1 episode ("Birds of a Feather") as young, engaged lovers. Remember the one where Jeff Conaway gets a gig at a nightclub as a female impersonator after he gets fired from his insurance job?? No?

Then there a few actors that you'd recognize from somewhere, but maybe not remember exactly why: Susan Anton as sexpot Christine Clifford, who clearly has a few more teeth than absolutely necessary; Richard Kline, comedian/supporting actor from various movies/TV series; finally, David Odgen Stiers--same deal.

80's Baby
Tons of oversized ladies suits in pastels with ginorous shoulder pads to be seen here. Genie Francis also sports a strange "Bram Stoker's Dracula"-esque hairstyle throughout the episode, two humps of hair clipped back. The men's fashions were typically 80's as well, lots of overdone patterns and the occasional pair of corduroy slacks.

Wife of Mr. Corned Beef Castles also sports a very politically incorrect fox stole that resembled about 6 or 7 foxes stung together. Eww.

The End?
Strangely enough, there wasn't the trademark laugh/freeze frame moment. Just the murderer's confession and a somber Jessica freeze frame. What, no comic relief?

Season 3--Magnum on Ice

2009-03-31T11:58:00.000-07:00

Ya gotta love the 80's for crossover episodes! Here is a brief recap of a crossover between our beloved MSW during season 3 and Magnum PI, season 7. Bear with me because I haven't watched part 1 of this crossover which was featured on Magnum PI only.

Synopsis
Magnum is being held as a murder suspect by a crusty, chunky, unreasonable and vaguely threatening police captain. Jessica joins him at the police station and vows to aid in his release. Apparently in part 1, there was a party full of potential suspects in which a man named Mayfield was shot and Magnum fired a weapon at him in self-defense. Jessica is still in her party garb, a lovely dress with a reverse V neckline and sheer sleeves...very mother-of-the-bride.

Jessica retires to change into her Hawaiian casual attire which appears for the duration of the episode: white chunky jewelry, pastel florals, camel sling bag. Upon returning to the scene of the crime, she quite easily finds a shell casing from Magnum's weapon. The police have found two others belonging to a different gun, but only two shots total were heard by witnesses.

Jessica is denied entrance to Magnum's jail cell and she employs a favorite tactic: threatening to contact the state governor, who just so happens to be a good friend! How Jessica manages to maintain friendships with all the governors for the states in which she stumbles across a murder is a mystery itself, but our lady is well-connected indeed.

Mrs. Fletcher makes the rounds to question a variety of suspects including:

Jason Bryan: business man who arranged the party in honor of the victim, but denied knowing him personally

Joan Fulton: cougar-type widow that recently inherited a profitable business and may have had a personal relationship with Jason Bryan--she offers a bellboy $100 for a "massage" but is interrupted by Jessica in a quite icky/hilarious scene

Arthur Houston: business man who may have employed the victim and may have asked Jason Bryan to arrange the party--interested in buying Joan Fulton's business

Amy Salyer: Joan's secretary and on the run from her possibly abusive husband--delivered an envelope to Mr. Houston on Joan's behalf

Amy is discovered with a treasure trove of diamond jewelry that she claims to have inherited from her deceased grandmother. She is hoping to use the jewels to start a new life far and begs for Jessica's help in eluding her hubby. When Jessica presents this info to Magnum and Higgins, Magnum incredulously states that Amy's story sounds too much like a plot in one of Jessica's novels. He admits to reading only one of J.B.'s mysteries, but didn't finish it because he figured out who the murderer was right away: the psychiatrist. Nope, counters Jessica--it was the lawyer. Cue Hawaiian music!

After Magnum is released on a $100K bail, Arthur Houston is murdered and Magnum's famous cap is found near the body! With the police hot on his tail, Magnum breaks into Jessica's room for chat just as she was drawing a bath--eek. Banter ensues and our two sleuths agree to be on a first name basis going forward. Let me just mention that Jessica's room has a simply incredible view of the ocean. It obviously pays to be a best-selling author.

Amy's husband Victor shows up and Jessica runs to Amy's hotel room to warn her. Just then, Victor jumps through the window, wielding a tire iron. Jessica appear ready to offer herself as a human shield for Amy just when Higgins appears in the doorway. Higgins' poorly disguised stunt double and Victor's stunt double grapple and Jessica neatly kicks the tire iron away while wearing an open-toed sandal--ouch! (I'm guessing Jessica's stunt double did the kicking on that one.)

The jewels are missing! Joan posted Magnum's bail, but why? Jessica goes to confront her final suspect, Joan, who immediately confesses all. She didn't want to sell her business, but Mayfield (first murder victim) and Houston (second murder victim) were pressuring her to sell or they would put out a contract on her life. During the confession, Magnum appears outside the window, creeping along the window sill--a popular means of entering this hotel, apparently.

Joan pulls a gun and silencer out of her luggage and Magnum swings in through the window, just in time to disarm her as the police arrive. Jessica: "Do you always make such dramatic entrances?" Cue Hawaiian music!

Famous Actors
Nobody apart from Tom Selleck as Magnum and John Hillerman as Higgins. However, a few other actors seemed vaguely familiar such as Jared Martin as Arthur Houston and Jessica Walter as Joan Fulton.

80's Baby
When Magnum is sitting in the police station waiting area, my husband and I immediately noticed a Tina Turner-esque hooker character sitting in the background who was joined by a mulleted man wearing only a demin vest and jeans--no shirt of course, because this is Hawaii in the 80's!

When Jessica questions Arthur Houston, he is comfortably situated outdoor in front of a patio table holding a gigantic 80's word processor.

Loads of chunky plastic jewelry appear on all the female characters throughout this episode.

Magnum's ultra-short, front-pleated khaki shorts make an appearance in the last scene--paired with a partially unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt framing a copious amount of luxurious chest hair.

The End?
Jessica strolls along a beautiful Hawaiian beach while Magnum and Higgins argue about who should take her to the airport.

Magnum to Jessica: If you don't get a PI license, then I won't buy a typewriter. Deal?

Jessica to Magnum: Deal!

They go in for a handshake that turns into a high five, laugh, freeze frame!

Season 3- "Cemetary Vote"

2009-03-29T17:50:00.000-07:00

This MSW has all the components of a great episode. Corrupt sheriffs, “road side” gambling operations, belted 80’s fashion, and a particularly damming set up. This one takes place outside our our beloved Cabot Cove, though they never really let on where, exactly, Jessica is. It’s obviously a small town, as the creepy Sheriff reminds Jessica during one run-in.

Synopsis
Jessica is decked in her finest tweeds on a trip to visit Linda, the bereaved wife of former Mayor Jim. Jim kicked the can in a fishy car accident and is, of course, an old buddy of Jessica’s from quaint little Cabot Cove. Jessica has an old codger egging her on in this one, Harry, Jim’s dad, a salty dog not at all convinced his son died an accidental death. An obvious suspect is David, the deputy mayor, who is staffed by our resident slutty secretary, Cindy. But we also have a nicely smarmy Sheriff Yates, and his hot-headed Deputy, Wayne. The Sheriffs are in cahoots with Kate, an old dame who runs an illegal gambling operation. Seems like they are doing decent business now that Jim is no longer in the picture...

Jessica and her codger friend, Harry, are determined to find the car Jim or “Jimmy” died in. But no, Sheriff Yates won’t allow that, so they must content themselves with going through Jimmy’s personal effects. Included in those effects is a cryptic “cipher” (Jessica’s word) and a nail ring, an old-fashioned piece of jewelry Harry had given his son. We know it’s important because Jessica uses her “this is important” frown. Harry puts on the ring, and the next day is found dead. Linda is unconvinced Jim was killed, and doesn’t appear very shaken when Harry’s found dead the next day. Very suspicious. Jessica has some nice back and forth with the Sheriff, she is able to determine Harry’s cause of death (banged over the head), and gets them to admit Jimmy’s murder was somewhat suspicious. Pretty good for the first 18 minutes. Putting her thinking cap on, Jessica accepts a ride from David. And just when you think she is dialing down the suspects, whoaaaaa, a huge truck totally tries to run our girl off the road, a suspiciously complacent David in the driver’s seat!

Jessica is convinced there’s a snitch in David’s office that tipped off that truck to their whereabouts. She focuses on the secretary, Cindy. Cindy is no match for Jessie’s expert questioning, “Mrs. Fletcher… honest!” “Now Cindy, don’t lie to me…” So she gets the affair out of Cindy, but she vehemently denies tipping off the car. Cindy also helps us out in deciphering what the “cipher” really is, a reference to legal documents, of course! Actually 2 records…. Actually I didn’t understand this any more than Jessica did. Apparently it referenced 2 court cases, which, when looked up reveal signed statements about our local gambling place. Jessica decides its time for one of her legendary set ups. She surprises David at his office, giving him the heads up about the illegal gambling, slyly laying her trap by telling him about an impending raid. She slips out using some convoluted excuse about Linda waiting, leaving the door open a crack to hear David make the damning call warning about the raid. The resulting scene has all the features of a great confession, “Sorry, I got the time wrong” sniffs Jess as she re-enters the room. David pleads ignorance, Jess is happy to fill in the gaps for him, correcting him on several attempts to weasel out of it, (“Jessica you can weave a story out the flimsiest material!”) But Jessica proves him wrong, we get a nice flashback about David referencing Harry’s ring, but we ALL know Harry only put in on before he left the house that night. Making David the last person he saw… wow this confession is pretty drawn out. Jessica basically proves David killed Harry and Jim, just in time for the state police to come waltzing in.

Famous Actors
I spotted Bruce Davison as David, our murderer, still doing the politician thing as Senator Kelly in the Xmen movies.

80’s Baby!
Well, the women certainly enjoyed lining that lower eye. Also in attendance is a truly atrocious full-on perm sported by Linda, and the side wave head tilt modeled by Cindy. There are also some truly hilarious nightgowns, of the polyester up-to-your-neck variety, complete with superfluous bows. Our girl Jess looks nice in this epi, never without her trusty sling handbag, and sensible pumps.

The End?
The classic Fletcher joke, laugh, and scene!